Time

Time.

When I pProm'd I wanted time to speed up....to get me further into my pregnancy so that our baby would have a better chance at survival. Yet, it felt like it was taking forever.
When Lochlan was finally born, time stood still. Every day was full of worry - worry about oxygen levels, worry about brain bleeds, worry about infections, worry about ounces and calories and whether he had pooped or peed. Worry if he would survive, worry about his future and what that would look like. It seemed that time was slowly ticking and that we'd never get home.

Lochlan spent 3 months, 11 days in the hospital.

He is now almost 5. What? Time it seems now, is on fast forward. He is well into his first year of kindergarten. The first few weeks were quite an adjustment. He was exhausted. But most kids are when they first start school. He was super excited that first day, but the second day, did not want to go back. (and the third, and the fourth....) It wasn't like his pre-school program he did in the summer. And there was an overwhelming number of kids in his class. He eventually started to like school...he made some friends. But he still asks to stay home some days. He asks, but isn't granted that request!

Rob and I met with his teacher recently, she said he is at the top of the class academically. (and that includes the seniors) Super proud of him. I found myself beaming as she talked about his accomplishments. Who knew this 1 lb, 12 oz very sick boy, would defy a lot of the odds.
 Her only concern is that when he is a senior, he won't be challenged enough. That's ok. We will challenge him. We will continue to work with him on his reading and his math skills and everything else. While that's what school is for, it's also what parenting is about. To help your child strive to do their best and to reach and exceed their potential.

We decided to not tell Lochlan's teachers that he was born 15 weeks early and how extremely sick he was. We didn't feel (and still don't) that it has any reason of why he could or wouldn't be able to do things at school. It does not define him. If there are struggles, we will deal with and make a plan if they come up. But to come out and say, oh, he was born at 25 weeks seems/seemed pointless other than for extra praise or sympathy.  We realize how fortunate we are/ he is. Sometimes I feel a sense of survivors guilt. Why did we get lucky where there are no lasting issues at this point in time?

I don't know. We just did.

I created this blog as a way to document Lochlan's journey, but also my own. To get my thoughts and feelings out about the scariness of it all - the unknown. To help me cope. But I also created it to offer hope to others who are going through a similar situation. No one can predict the future or how prematurity will affect their child. What we can do is offer hope to one another, offer encouragement, offer support, and offer our prayers.  Even if it's just a "you got this!"

Cause you do.

xo

Lochlan & Abby with the 'Balloon Friends' they made

Goodbye Summer, Hello Fall

It's never ceases to amaze me how fast time goes by. Abby is getting ready to go into senior kindergarten and Lochlan is one year away from starting school. During the past few months, I joined a few support groups for preemie and micro preemies to offer my support for those that are starting out on this emotional, crazy journey. I continue to be reminded just how far Lochlan has come and all that we went through. Not that I forget, but I don't let that define him. I never have. He has proven time and time again his super strength and determination.

These days, Lochlan is a happy, healthy three year old that has surprised so many with what he can do. Not me. He is such a joy to be around. He has the best personality - he's funny, polite, loving, energetic, cute, happy, and just full of life. He also is very particular about his clothes, doesn't like to sleep with a blanket or a sheet on, sticks up for himself when his sister tries to boss him around, loves trucks, tractors and diggers, Spiderman and other superheroes, occasionally has a meltdown, pushes up his pants legs and sleeves, wants to be Superman for Halloween, loves to dance and sing, and go to the park and splash pad, finally mastered his bike with training wheels this summer, and is one of the most amazing boys you'll ever meet.

Now that summer is winding down and fall is fast approaching in and with it - cold and flu season, I am a little nervous about his health.  I want so bad to protect him and keep him healthy. Who doesn't want that for their child?! For him, his immunity still is not like that of other three year olds. We intend to do our best to ward off any sickness so that he doesn't not need to hospitalized this winter. Twice was enough last winter. His doctor mentioned trying to get him qualified for a special shot that would offer extra protection - gives him extra antibodies I believe. It's different from the RSV shot but he still needs to quality for it. Her argument (and ours) is that is costs way more to look after him in the hospital than it would to get him this shot. (He's been hospitalized every year for RSV/Pneumonia) I haven't heard anything yet so I will be calling her this week to followup. We will also be starting his puffer again starting tomorrow to help get through the cold/flu season. My plan is to also begin essential oil treatments. Friends of ours use them and have amazing results. Thieves, Purification, Peppermint Oil, Lemon Oil and a few others will be our best friends!

Loch recently had a followup appointment with the ear, nose, and throat doctor. Everything is great. There is no need to surgery!!! He had been following him because he consistently had fluid in his left ear but I'm happy to report it has finally drained! No ear tubes needed. No need to remove his adenoids or tonsils at this time either. There is no followup appointment scheduled. If we notice anything or concerned about anything, we are to call for an appointment. How amazing is that!?

In November he will return for a routine checkup for his eyes. Which the last time were given a thumbs up. So incredible. 

So that's where we are at in terms of his medical care. Fun wise, we enjoyed our first family camping adventures this summer. It was so awesome to share with one another. It has really been a fantastic summer. Excited for what's to come.

I will leave you with a note I read this morning that was posted to one of the support groups. It comes from the Peek a Boo ICU website. Because I did not write it, please click the link to read it. It brought tears to my eyes.

Lessons from Little Ones

Three years ago

It was this exact moment (9:58pm) three years ago today that I got up my pprom pregnant body from watching American Idol to go to the washroom - only to discover the umbilical cord had prolapsed.

Our already scared, freaking out minds kicked into over-over drive and off we raced to the hospital. I remember that we were already in the car about to pull out of the parking spot when my best friend came to watch Abby. I remember saying and thinking, "I cannot sit down and cut off the blood and oxygen." Then I half hipped it on the what seemed like a long drive to the hospital. (We only lived about 10-15 minutes away)

We got there and it was all sort of a blur. Lots of people coming and going.
Then being whisked to the ER for an emergency c-section.

I don't remember much else. It's all very foggy. I remember being in and out of consciousness in the recovery room. But I didn't really grasp what was happening. I just remember praying.

...I didn't intend to write a post reliving moments from that day but I just started writing.

Lochlan had an amazing birthday today. I'm so very tired right now and will write about it and post pictures soon.