Nighttime visit

Well it was another busy, but great weekend. Rob was in a soccer tournament so I spent a lot of time with the Ab-ster on my own. It was nice. Tiring since it's the most I've spent with her since this fiasco started, but worth every moment. She is amazing!

Anyway, on to Lochlan's progress. He is doing wonderful. The new tube seems to be working well for him. He still has some spells, but he's doing great.

Yesterday, we got to snuggle again! (and d'oh I forgot my camera again! Probably should say "DUH!") It had been a so-so kind of day, so I mentioned that it probably wouldn't be a good idea to hold him and Julie, his nurse agreed. But then she changed her mind and I made sure to mention for her not to change her mind just because she felt bad for me. I obviously want what's best for Lochlan. But I'm glad she did because we both loved it! His stats were great almost the entire time. I say almost because right at the end, he wiggled a bit and then he de-sated and was struggling to breathe. They quickly put him back in his isolette and had to suction him. He had a lot of secretions in his tube and therefore it was blocking his airway. Poor lil guy. It had nothing to do with me but it was a bit of scare of course. Also because the nurses couldn't hook his tube up fast enough so they had to "bag him." There isn't actually a bag involved but they hook it up to his tube and then give him manual breaths by squeezing this thing. Like my technical terms?! lol

Anyway, he was fine. We had a wonderful 45 mins to an hour snuggle. It just felt right.

Last night, Danielle came over and I got her to take back some bottles I've pumped. She has a deep freeze compared to our fridge freezer which had zero room for more bottles. I think I've got a pretty good stash going - what do you think?

Today was busy with Rob's soccer tourney and spending time with Abby. I didn't get a chance to get to the hospital until after Ab was in bed and Rob was home. Lochlan was having a good day and his evening was off to a great start as well. His nurse was Alyssa and she was wonderful! He is up to 8mls of b. milk and it is going up to 9mls at midnight. They were increasing his feeds 1cc every 12 hours. He may sit at 9 for a while or go up to 10mls. It all depends on his weight with how much breastmilk and TPN he gets. He is almost weaned entirely off of the TPN. (fluids and such)

Speaking of his weight he is now 1020 grams!!! (2.4 pounds) How exciting. He's almost 2 1/2 pounds! I guess last night he was up to 1050 so he dropped but that was with the tube and its weight but I'm happy with 1020! That's great.

Tomorrow he will have his blood work done which he gets every Monday. Good times!
I'm super tired so I'm off to pump before bed.

Thank you for your continued support. The prayers are working.
Jenn

P.S. Here are some pics to enjoy!

Needing a break

Well, my boy needed a break. He got pretty tuckered out and they decided to re-intubate him. This time with the bigger tube. He is stable and on a bit of morphine which they always give when babies are intubated. Sue, his nurse stopped his feeds for the time being just to give him a bit of a rest and I asked about him getting hungry and she said that if he shows signs, she'll definitely resume his feeds.

I can't believe I missed the phone call though. The ringer is off on our phone in the bedroom but I usually hear the downstairs phone. I guess I was pretty pooped myself and didn't hear it. So needless to say I got a little concerned when I saw we had a message when I got up to pump at 3am. The doctor had called just before 2am. Note to self - put the ringer back on!

What's crazy is that Abby, when I went to check in on her just after midnight before heading to bed, said "hi mommy" when I opened the door. Then she wouldn't settle. I tried snuggles in her room but it just wasn't enough and I ended up bringing her into bed with me for a bit. Which rarely happens. She had also asked for medicine but when I took her temp, it was fine. And everything else seemed alright. Weird. Anyway, I had got her back to bed and fell asleep myself so that's probably why I didn't hear the phone because my exhaustion had settled in. Abby is such a good sleeper and I can count on one hand how many times she's woken in the middle of the night other than when she was a newborn. So maybe she felt her brother going through a tough time.

I am sad but I knew that this was most likely going to be the reality for Lochlan. It was good practice anyway for him. And slow and steady wins the race!

Keep him in your prayers.
Jenn

Extubated!

Wow! What a pleasant surprise I had when I went in this afternoon. A new machine! I looked in at my lil boy and he was on what is called a BiPAP. They extubated him! There was some talk over this for the last little while but yesterday I was convinced it wasn't going to happen. (see earlier post) But they decided that because his leak was so bad (the tube was way to small for him -- think breathing through a tiny straw) they would try him on the BiPAP. The tube had been leaking more than what he was getting.

His head is covered up with this hat type contraction with a mask that goes over his entire nose. His face is a little smushed from the elastic on the mask but he's still as cute as ever. (looks like some crazy amusement park ride headgear or something)



The green thing in his mouth is his soother. It looks gigantic but it's really not. He loves his soother. The nurses say they think he'll be pretty good at taking to nursing since he has a great sucking reflex already. Let's hope!

I just got off the phone from my nightly call in before bed and Sue, his nurse said that she is very happy with him. She was on last night and she said he's taking less spells (where he destats and sometimes forgets to breathe which is completely normal for his gestational age) and she thinks he's doing much better than when he was intubated and on the vent. That is not to say that he couldn't be reintubated at some point. He may just get too tired and need more help. Fingers crossed he doesn't.

She hasn't weighed him yet but last night he was back down to 970 grams, (he lost 30 grams again) It's still over 2 pounds but keep in mind he's on lasix which can make him lose weight. Today when I was in, he was getting 8 mils every 2 hours of breastmilk and tolerating it very well. Sue said he got up to 9 mils but she reduced him to 5-6 mils every 2 hours because she was worried that with the BiPAP sometimes their little tummies can get bloated and feel pressured. But she did say that when it's been two hours, he's like, "I'm hungry - feed me!"

I forgot to mention in previous posts that he is now on puffers. One is a steroid and the other is ventalin I think. These are to help with his lungs. When he was intubated they weren't doing much and there was no way to tell if he was actually getting most of the puffs since his tube had such a big leak. So hopefully with being on the BiPAP, they will help much more and we'll see some more progress.

I really liked the nurses he had today. Julie was his day nurse and Sue, whom I've mentioned was his night nurse. It's amazing how some people you just feel like you connect better with. I haven't even met Sue, just spoken to her on the phone, and yet I immediately felt comfortable talking to her. She was so kind and reassuring and positive. I hope he has them for his care more often. It's too bad you can't pick and choose!!

Julie said today that she would let me hold him but I agreed it was too busy a day for him. But she did say that tomorrow I can definitely hold him!!! I soooooo can't wait! Better get to bed because the sooner I do, the sooner I can go in and hold my baby!

Milestones and #2

Well...I've realized I've been slacking off a bit lately in my blogs. Whoopsie! Lochlan continues to do well. He has his ups and downs as per usual but overall, he's doing amazing. I couldn't be more proud!

He is now up to 1000 grams (which is 2.2 pounds) He did weigh that Monday night but had lost 30 grams when they weighed him Tuesday night. Last night he was back up to 1000 grams. Plus - he's up to 5cc of b.milk every ...I can't remember if it's 2 hours or 4 hours! Too much info in my head! But that's a great accomplishment! Although you hear of other babies in the NICU that are taking like 80 mils...that seems so far away! We'll get there!

I'm trying to remember if I need to update you on anything else....hmmmm

His next brain scan will be on June 16th. They still keep saying that it's nothing to worry about with being a level 2 bleed. It should reabsorb itself over time. The doctor said it probably has something to do with all the procedures and everything that he's been through.

Yesterday they were going to do a blood test to check his white blood cell count as it was starting to be a concern. I haven't heard the results but they will be monitoring him closely to make sure he doesn't get or have an infection of some sort. They are very proactive. Which is reassuring.

His breathing tube continues to have a big leak...60% or something like that which is a HUGE leak if you ask me. But they don't want to change it because that would mean re-intubating him which obviously is a BIG deal. So they are just waiting. They may try him on CPAP rather than put in a bigger tube when the time comes. But they think at this point he is still not ready for that. His oxygen requirements have been pretty high lately but it's probably because of the leak. Been sitting around the 50s the last few days. Sometimes he'll come down to the 30s but then he has these spells and they have to up it again. He tends to constantly keep them busy going up and down in his stats. He moves around a lot which doesn't help either.

Today I found a little difficult. I was having a bit of a downer - oh whoah is me type of day. I want so desperately to hold my boy again (I haven't held him since that first time Monday) and it pains me sometimes to see other parents holding their babies. I'm happy for them, I really am, but I'm also jealous. I know that the nurse told me it will depend on how he's doing and what has happened that day and how busy they are, etc....but I get excited on my way to the hospital thinking, okay, maybe today I can hold him...and I bring my camera so I'm ready...and then..no. I mean, I suppose it's a bit my fault today as I didn't ask, but can't they tell I want to hold him?? ; )

Tonight I finally got to take Abby to her swimming lesson. It's been 7 weeks since she started and I've only been able to watch. She was cling master 7 but was still loving it and then all of a sudden when I put her on the side of the pool where she jumps from the side her face contorted and...well...yeppers...she was taking a #2. We still had like 10mins left. I felt really bad for her since she was so excited to be swimming and had wanted to go down the slide from the get go and I knew that she was done for the day.

Well we finally got out and went to the change room and she was clearly upset having not been able to shower etc...and of course didn't want her bum changed. Sometimes she feels like she still needs to poop just because the poop is on her bum....so here I was, still in my bathing suit and I quickly put my clothes over top, gathered her up...wrapped her towel around her as the poop was starting to seep out and I carried up out to the car. On our way out, she brushed against the wall and something told me to look back...good thing I did because some poop was left behind!! Oh the horror! I quickly wiped it with the towel and prayed no other mom's saw!

Anyway, I got her out to the car and cleaned her up - without wipes which were at home, (good one me) as best I could and she went home in her winter boots (she saw them in the car and wanted to put them on) and her diaper and a tank top. Good times!

And that, my friends, was my first swimming lesson with Abby after all these weeks. I just had to share! Hope there was some entertainment there and your not just sitting there disgusted! At least she had a good poop. (she had been struggling with constipation for quite some time) There's always a silver lining!

Jenn

Our first snuggle : )

*Happy sigh*

I had a fabulous long weekend. I got to spend some great quality time with Abby, soaked up some sun and held Lochlan for the very first time!

When I arrived today, nurse Debbie said "have you held him yet?" and I said no. Then she asked if I wanted to. Uh...duh! Of course I said absolutely. Then I said "seriously?" I couldn't believe my ears! I really didn't think I'd be able to hold him for at least another 4 or 5 weeks. But since he's not on the oscillator, I could hold him! She said not to worry about the machines and the beeps or rings...but you know what --- they never went off!!! Just after I put on my gown and got ready to hold him, Megan one of my favourite nurses who was caring for another baby, said "I'm so excited for you!" Which was super sweet.

After a little bit of a wait while they shuffled tubes and wires, Debbie placed him on my chest and it was heaven. He is so incredibly tiny but it felt so right. I felt like I had a piece of me back. In the beginning he kept opening his eyes and peeking up at me, almost as if to say, hi mommy, is that really you? And then just to see if I was still there. Amazing. I held him for 45mins to an hour. I had this stupid grin on my face the entire time.You know when you're watching a movie and it's so good and stupidly romantic that you realize you have this silly grin on face and your cheeks hurt at the end of the movie - that was me. Only this was so much better!

Today was my mom's birthday, but as I told the nurse, I felt like it was my birthday and Christmas combined!

What a day! I still have a silly grin on my face as I type this. What a wonderful memory. Unfortunately I didn't have my camera with me as I didn't know I'd be holding Lochlan. I was planning on taking some pics on Wednesday since he'll be 3 weeks old. Debbie asked if I had a cell phone which I had left in the car since you aren't supposed to have them on in the NICU. But she said she would have make an exception. Oh well. It was a moment for just Lochlan and I. And it was perfect.

Yesterday, he had a blood transfusion - with Daddy's blood! His hemoglobin levels were down so that's why they decided to transfuse him. It's a regular occurance and is to be expected at the gestation that he's at. (28 weeks tomorrow) Last night he weighed 955 grams. (2 pounds and 1.69 ounces) He had gained 15 grams in a day. He is now up to 3cc of breastmilk every 2 hours and quite possibly up to 4cc every 2 hours. That was the plan when I left late this afternoon anyway. So exciting! Debbie also talked about the possibility of his being on the CPAP instead of the vent soon. But it will depend on how he's doing. He has a leak in his vent right now because the tube is too small but they don't want to re-intubate him with a bigger tube since just last week he had pulled out his tube....don't want to cause any more irritation then need be. That could be why he is requiring more oxygen right now. If they do the CPAP then he would have prongs up his nose rather that the full tube in his throat. Very exciting. A big step for sure. So I'm praying on that.

Anyway, that's the update from over the weekend. Hope you had a great long weekend and enjoyed the beautiful sunshiney warm weather. So beautiful. Matched how I felt!

Take care,
Jenn

Ups and downs

Wow. Yesterday was a tough day. Not horrible, just a bit worrisome. Lochlan required quite a bit of oxygen yesterday and he was setting off a lot of bells. I wasn't overly comfortable with where he was at while I was visiting. I knew he was having a tough day. Poor lil monkey. But I tried to remind myself that the doctors have said, there will be good days and there will be bad days. Up to this point, he's had several good days in a row.

Last night, right before bed I called and he was requiring 70% oxygen. Very high when you think about room air being 21% and that he had been sitting around the 30s the last few days. The nurse wasn't overly helpful at making me feel positive. That's one of the things I hate. How some nurses are better at making you feel like everything is okay or is going to be okay and they just have this way about them. Then there are the ones that say stupid things or just aren't good at the whole being sensitive and comforting thing.

We have one wicked nurse - Her name is Lois and I can't wait to have her back looking after Lochlan. She is amazing. She just has this way about her. And she believes in this energy "treatment" if you will. Just by holding on to these tiny pillows or blankets before she puts them in his isolette -- they can keep your energy for quite some time and make it seem like you are there with him.

I knew the day nurse today was going to put in some pillows to help support Loch and so I grabbed one from his drawer and was holding it and putting some positive and loving energy into it and I told the nurse I had it and gave it to her and she put it back in his drawer. I was crushed. Shocked actually is more like it. But Lois did say that not every nurse believes in it or knows about it. Frustrating. But I didn't say anything. I knew she was just being oblivious.

Today was a much better day though. One of the first things I noticed was that it was quieter! They took him off of the oscillator!!!! Big step! He is now on the vent. The oscillator is more of an artificial breathing machine whereas the vent is more normal like. He was de-stat'ing a bit today (where the oxygen saturation goes way down) but he was finally doing a lot better. He loves his tummy. When the nurse put him on his tummy his saturation went up to 100%! They did a gas as they call it and it was really good. So good I guess that they were smiling when they told me how good it was. They decided to reduce the amount of pressure of the vent. Which is super good.

Tonight his oxygen requirement was sitting around 33%. Very good considering his day yesterday. He is also back up to 2cc every 2 hours for feeds. (They had reduced it yesterday to 1cc every 2 hours and had skipped a few feeds) He also had a good couple of poops since last night.

I asked about his brain scan, and the nurse told me it was the same as the last scan - grade 2. But she did say that it could take some time before he starts to absorb the blood. She wasn't sure when they'll repeat the scan but I'm assuming Wednesday.

I bought his first outfit today. I was out buying Abby some jammies and saw this outfit that said "Stronger than you think" with a little monkey lifting a barbell on it. I was like, okay must get this!! It won't fit him for a very long time. It's newborn size but it starts at 5lbs. One day he'll get there. And he'll look super cute in it!

Anyway, best be getting to bed. Abby is not feeling very well today and I've had to dish out some extra snuggles since she went to bed. She's such a great kid. I can't believe how blessed I am to have two wonderful children. I can't wait to bring Lochlan home in hopefully less than 12 weeks!

Not to say I want the summer to fly by but I do.

Two weeks old

I finally remembered to take my camera in to take a few pics of our lil guy. There he was on his belly - all comfy cozy. Although he was requiring some extra oxygen today, he's been doing pretty good.



Last night when I called there had been some excitement. Lochlan decided he'd had enough, and pulled out his breathing tube. They had to reintubate him. Good times. Thank God everything ended up being fine. They tried to put him on some other kind of respiratory help, but he wasn't ready yet and they went back to to oscillator. Apparently when the tube was completely removed, there were some secretions so he really was trying to tell them something. During all this he also had a giant poop - all on his own too!

Megan, his night nurse when I called before bed said that after all the excitement settled down, it was pretty late, and because everything was fine, she didn't want to worry me to call. That definitely would have not been a fun thing to see late at night - the hospital's phone number. I pray I never see it.

I still can't believe that it has been two weeks now since I was at home at this very time, getting ready to watch American Idol. It had just ended and I got up to do my nightly bathroom break before settling in to sleep. I don't think I've mentioned this before, but when I went to the bathroom, I felt like I was passing a blood clot - which had happened many times throughout the rupture of my membranes...but this time something felt different. When I felt around, I knew something wasn't right. I looked in the mirror and there was the umbilical cord. I had made it four weeks after my membranes ruptured and now, the cord had prolapsed.

Rob and I rushed to the hospital, and I was so concerned about sitting on the cord, I didn't want to cut off anything to the baby so I was leaning on my side. Needless to say, when we arrived at KGH everything was a complete and utter blur. I won't go into further detail but it was one of the scariest things I have ever been through. Rob said the doctors told him this is the highest emergency situation for childbirth. Hard to believe that at 10pm I was feeling Lochlan's kicks and ready for sleep and 44 minutes later, he was born.

Abby's birth wasn't entirely an easy ride - some of you may know the story there, but Lochlan's topped this even. Crazy. I keep thinking, my word, thank God we live in the year we do where doctors and nurses are trained in this type of thing and technology is so far developed that they - together, are able to save lives. I can't even imagine not only if this were years ago, but also, if we didn't live in Canada. The lack of access to equipment and knowledge, or the money we would have had to and would continue to spend on his care. Amazing. I'm extremely thankful.

Anyway, that's just something I've been thinking about lately. How twice I'm lucky to be alive after childbirth and that my two beautiful children are strong and blessed as well.

Getting back to Lochlan, he had another head ultrasound today but we won't get the results back for a few days at least. Please pray that the blood on his brain is being absorbed. He now weighs 900 grams (1 pound and 15 1/2 ounces or so)

Rob gave blood for the first time today. His first time is for our son. If there is a need for Loch to have another blood transfusion, Rob's blood will be what runs through his veins. There's definitely a comfort there.

Thank you again and again for your support, prayers and positive thoughts. You, my dear friends are wonderful.
Jenn

*** Quick Update*** @ 11:30pm
I just spoke with Glenda, his night nurse and Lochlan is doing well. He now weighs 945 grams (2.08 pounds) !!!! Our lil guy is now 2 lbs!!! How exciting is that!??
Woo-hoo! Okay, off to bed.

Results

Lochlan feels your prayers. Sometimes I can't help but stare in amazement at how tiny he is. The doctors and nurses are able to do wonders with his care. I still can't believe my little boy is not even 2 pounds. They've increased his fluids and will be starting him on 1cc of breastmilk every 2 hours now instead of 4. And Glenda, his nurse today, said that she thought it was looking like he was trying to take a poop. TMI, perhaps, but hopefully he'll be able to do this on his own because up to this point, they've had to help him go.

Finally, I was able to sit and chat with one of the senior residents about the results of his brain scan last Wednesday. I think I had believed when the nurse said last week that unofficially things were okay meant that he didn't have any bleeding on his brain. Unfortunately, he does. He is at a grade 2. The scale is from 1-4. One and two we were told is nothing to get panicky about. However, if your child has any type of bleeding on the brain, it's hard not to get worried. Grades 3 and 4 are much more concerning. His left side is the one where there is some bleeding but it could be related to all of the stress and pressure in the last week or so since there wasn't any intially one week after he was born. And most likely it will be absorbed back into his body. They are going to do another head ultrasound tomorrow to see what is happening -- whether it is healing, or staying the same, or increasing. Let's pray it is reabsorbing.

Scary. He's been through so much already for not being quite 2 weeks old. He is 27 weeks gestation today. I find myself sometimes craving to be pregnant. I had just started to feel his big kicks a week or so prior to his birth. I miss being pregnant. Sometimes I find myself staring at pregnant moms or moms taking a stroll with their newborns and thinking, that should be me. But I am so thankful that Lochlan is alive and doing well. It's just tough sometimes - I won't lie. But I try to be as postive as I can and be thankful for Lochlan's progress and well being up to this point.

I can't believe it's been two weeks (tomorrow) since he was born. Yet I can't wait for it to be 15 weeks so we can hopefully bring him home and feel normal again.

On a postive note, the official results came back from his chest scan. His duct is closed!! : ) Very exciting. That is one of the main reasons they are increasing his fluids. So hopefully now he'll start to put on a little more weight.

Until next time,
Jenn

Sweet baby boy

Finally! I got to see my wee lil guy! I hadn't seen him since Thursday since I've been fighting this cough. It settled down enough that I decided it was a must to see Lochlan today. I am definitely on the mend. I stayed for about an hour and a half and it was wonderful. Some people would think, "man, this is pretty boring." And it can be if you let it, but just being in the same room with him is worth every minute. I brought along my book to keep myself a little occupied.

Stats today: his oxygen levels were sitting at around 35%...not fabulous, but he's doing well. He had another echo done on his chest and unofficially the duct has closed! Which is wonderful news! He is, I believe I mentioned the last post, off of the morphine and the dopamine. He is now only on fluids and my breastmilk. I'm so proud of him.

He now weighs 1 pound and 14 ounces. At least that was his weight as of last night. He's gaining as he weighed 1 pound, 12 ounces when he was born. Keep packing it on!

He had a bath last night and has been put on his tummy in the rotation as well. So cute. I can't wait to hold him in the weeks to come. I don't know when that will be as he is quite teeny tiny right now but I can't wait. I get semi jealous seeing some of the other parents holding their babies and feeding them. Soon Lochlan - soon mommy and you will have a big long snuggle.


Thank you for continuing to pray. You'll never know how much it means to us.
Take care,
Jenn

p.s. I will try to take some pictures tomorrow and post them.

Cough cough

Ugh. Stupid cough. I can't seem to shake it. I haven't been able to go see Lochlan for two days now. Please Lord, take this silly cough away so I can go see my baby tomorrow!

So frustrating!

The only comfort I have is knowing that he is being taken great care of by wonderful nurses and doctors. He is now off of morphine but his CO2 levels are still high so they are trying to tweak those. He also had a chest x-ray today and it is still showing lung disease which is to be expected at his gestational age. Poor lil guy. I really hope his lungs sort themselves out soon.

On a side note, we lost our house. The one we bought. Some other people swept in and took it from us. Dinks. It was conditional upon selling our house that we have now and we had til June 4th. Unfortunately the people that bought it didn't have a house to sell so they were able to steal it from us. I was upset to say the least but decided to get over it. So what. It was a house. Our prayers are being channelled to Lochlan's well being right now and that is totally okay with me. Besides, the home inspection indicated that we'd have to spend a lot of money in a short amount of time to fix various things, one of those being the roof in a few years. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise! We avoided a money pit if you will. So Rob and I went to look at a few homes today and are even thinking of building. Problem is our house in on the market now and we wouldn't be able to get into our house until October if we built. We shall see. Everything happens for a reason. We're going to look at a few more tomorrow.

Tonight Rob and I are going to see WWE RAW. I can't believe I just said that. Could be a great stress reliever. Rob's big on wrestling. Me not too much. I watched when I was a kid and will check it out whenever he's got it on but I got the tickets for him and a buddy last minute but his buds were busy so I'm going to go. Should be interesting. We'll go for dinner first and make an evening out of it. It's been a while since we've had date night so I'm really looking forward to it. Rob said I need to practice up on my swearing and yelling. I'll work on the yelling at least! Hilarious!

Kisses and hugs to you, Lochlan.
Til tomorrow.

Comfy Cozy

Lochlan had another great day! While I visited this afternoon he had his lil arm up over his head. This was not the arm that doesn't have many lines...oh no this was the arm that has the splint on it to keep all the lines steady. Mostly his main picc line as they call it. My lil muscle man! He looked so cute and comfy.

He also is continuing to feed every 4 hours at 1cc and he had a poop today! lol....I'm so proud!

He had his umbilical cord line or whatever it was that was attached there removed today so he was put on his belly tonight. His oxygen is sitting around 28-29 percent. (room air is 21%) but it's much better today than yesterday.
But he also had a lot done yesterday.

We still have not been given the official results of his brain scan. The nurse did say unofficially that we shouldn't worry. Also that the doctor has to be the one to talk to us about it. Which really seems contradictory. But I'm trusting that everything is fine.

He started some medication today to close a duct that is open in his heart. (this generally closes while in the womb I believe) It will be 3 days of meds for that and hopefully it will close. If not, the process will be repeated and then if that still doesn't work, he will need surgery. Please God, let it close with the first process. Abby had a small hole in her heart when she was born and it caused a small murmur but they said it should close itself by the time she is 2 I think. I'm not sure if it's the same type of deal for Lochlan or not but it would be bigger and more of a concern given his gestational age. We shall see.

My cough seems to have gotten worse as the day progressed. Which means that unless by chance I heal overnight, I won't be able to go see Loch tomorrow. I am deeply saddened by this. But it's just way too risky to carry that in to the NICU. So strange, without having any other symptoms...I would think it was a side effect from being under the general, but Abby has a cough like mine too. Good times when you've had a c-section let me tell you! Thanks for that! Luckily I am healing really well.
I drove myself to the hospital this afternoon to visit Lochlan. My mother in law called tonight to give me trouble! (I'm not supposed to drive for a couple of weeks.) But it's just so much easier. And I hate troubling others. Guess I crave a little bit of normalcy in my life too.

Anyway, I'm still trying to figure out how she knew.

Until tomorrow,
Jenn

Sneak a peek at 1 week

I was terribly disappointed and sad that yesterday I couldn't see my baby. I have this strange and annoying cough. It's not constant. I have to other symptoms. Yet it's too risky to visit the NICU.

Good news is that Lochlan had a good day yesterday. They started him on 1cc of my milk (collostrum) every 8 hours. It's nice to think that when I was pumping he was "nursing" too.

Today, I was able to visit with him. Again, he was having a good day. He had his ultrasound done on his brain today and an echo as well but we haven't heard back yet about the results. I am waiting for the phone to ring as I type this.

While I was there, some of his levels were a bit high so they were playing with that. Everytime his head is turned to the right, he seems to struggle a bit more. By the time I left, they'd turned his head the other direction and the levels started to come back down. Thing is, he needs to have his head face each direction so many times a day to prevent flat head and other issues.

While I was there he got some more of my milk and they've increased the feeds to 1cc every 4 hours now. He's tolerating it very well. I'm very pleased.
He is now 1 week old and I can't believe one week has passed already and yet it's not fast enough. I want the days to fly by. The weeks to fly by. So that in approx. 14 weeks our son can be home with us.

Lochlan's right eye has now opened up while his left continues to be fused. This is completely normal but it was so neat to see him sort of "looking" at me today while I talked to him.

My tiny lil man is amazing. I can't wait to see him again tomorrow.

Monday

Lochlan had another great day. When I arrived today he was getting a blood transfusion. He was taking it like a champ.

The nurse said that they adjusted some of his levels again. Less dopamine (sp?) and morphine.

And she said he's already got quite the personality...he'll be full of vis and vinner. I said, just like his big sister!

I wasn't able to stay as long as I had hoped today which made me sad, but I know that there will be many days I can spend all day and night if I'd like. I'm healing and getting my strength back so I can be there better for him emotionally as well as physically.

Just before I left, I told him that I loved him and would see him later and that I was going to take his sister to an appointment. His little eyes were moving around under his lids (they are still fused shut) You could really see him trying to open them! Very cute!

He looked good today. And I miss him terribly.

I want to pass along something I found on a fellow pPROM mom's blog. It's beautiful. And I can only hope to live up to its words.

********

Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen?

God is hovering over Earth, selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.

Beth Armstrong, son. Patron Saint, Peter.

Marjorie Forrest, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia.

Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles. “Give her a preemie “

The angel is curious. “Why this one, God? She’s so happy.”

”Exactly,” smiles God. “Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel.”

”But does she have the patience?” asks the angel.

”I don’t want her to have too much patience, or she’ll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she’ll handle it. I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I’m going to give her has a world of its own. She has to make it live in her world, and that’s not going to be easy.”

”But Lord, I don’t think she even believes in you.”

God smiles. “No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just the right amount of selfishness. “

The angel gasps, “Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?”

God nods. “If she can’t separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn’t know it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says ‘mama’ for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see as ignorance, cruelty and prejudice and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing My work as surely as she is here by My side.”

”And what about her Patron Saint?” asks the angel, his pen poised in the air.

God smiles. “A mirror will suffice.”

***************

Source: http://mommyscircus.wordpress.com/how-are-preemie-moms-chosen-2/

Mommies Day

For those of you who may have noticed, yes we did change the spelling of Lochlan's name. Still the same pronunciation but we felt this might have a better chance of being pronounced correctly. Tough decision but what can you do! Some babies don't even get a name right away!

Little Loch will be okay with this I'm sure. His name means Warrior from the land of the Lochs...and he is definitely living up to that! Rob's thrilled he found another meaning that says,
"Name of the individual with the largest, thicket, healthiest penis on the planet. Often used when comparing other penis sizes." Although something tells me it probably says that about every boy name on this website! Hilarious though!

Feel free to have a little giggle!

Our fighter keeps fighting the fight. He had another good day yesterday and night and today is off to a great start as well. He is breathing room air which is amazing! He's still on the oscillator (sp?) which he will be be for quite some time but he hasn't needed as much assistance. Go Lochlan!

Yesterday he was a bit dehydrated but they've been adjusting a few things and that seems to be dealt with now.

Over the next few weeks he could have some lung issues from getting assistance but they will arise and be dealt with as needed. He will have another brain scan on Wednesday to check for bleeds and fingers crossed and prayers answered all will be well. After Wed, he would get scanned at his 30 day of life or if they feel like something is going on. The risks drop off after a week or so of life for brain bleeds. Please God be good to us as you have continued to be.

Last night when I went to visit, the nurse said he was being quite the lil joker. He peed on her! He shot it across the isolette and hit her scrubs! Maybe Rob's definition is bang on! ha ha He was also kicking his pillows around on her. She'd move them under his legs, he'd kick them away!

I'm hoping to go home today. That was part of the plan. I have mixed feelings. I'm torn between wanting to stay here to be close to him and going home and sleeping in my own bed and being closer to Abby. It's tough. But I know it will be tough today, tomorrow, a week from now....it's inevitable.

Either way, I'll be back and forth to hospital a few times probably each day. Pumping and bringing that in as well as spending time with Lochlan. It will be a long road but again, I am thankful for your continued support and prayers. Please pray every day for our little miracle baby. They are working!!

Lots of love,
Jenner

Update

Our little man continues to fight. He is amazing. I am so proud of him already. He has been through so much for only being not quite officially 3 days old.

This morning I was able to walk down to the nursery and drop off some breast milk myself and have a wee little visit with our son. I've never been able to do it by myself with trying to heal from the surgery. While I was there, the doctors and nurses were on rounds so I got to listen in on Lochlan's progress. Mind you there were a lot of numbers and letters thrown around and it all sort of went over my head, but I was happy to be there. He is doing so much better. He is off the the N.O. (which I think is referred to as Nitrous oxide) which opens up the lungs and makes it easier for the ventilation. But he no longer needs that which is a huge step. He is a bit dehydrated so they are going to increase this and that but aren't that concerned about it.

He had an Echo-cardiogram (sp?) done yesterday for his heart and his heart and lungs look so much better. As well he had a scan done yesterday on his brain and it looked great as well. There is always some concern about bleeding which could lead to developmental problems, etc. So it's a big worry. He will have another one of those done on Wednesday...so fingers crossed and prayers said that it will be normal as well.

I can't begin to describe how much love and prayers and support is being felt from our end. We can't thank you enough. I have found this whole process very overwhelming to say the least and because everything happened so fast, my emotions were sort of kept out of it for a time. Believe me, I felt them last night. Combined with worry, sleep deprivation, loneliness, pain and some pumping issues with the pump, I couldn't help but break down a bit. All of a sudden the reality of this situation hit me. I know there will be waves and tides, or ebbs and flows as they say, but I found last night to be the most difficult. But don't worry, I won't let myself stay down there too long!
Lochlan needs a strong mommy to help fight for him too!

I am hoping to go home either tomorrow or Monday. There was talk about maybe today but I am so not ready yet.

P.S. Abby is coming for a visit to see mommy today. I can't wait. I miss her so much. She has been a great trooper throughout this and is so unbelievable at adapting. I couldn't be more proud of her.

Love and hugs,
Jenner

First Photos

Introducing Lochlan Robert McDonald
Born May 5, 2010 at 10:44pm at 25 weeks 1 day gestation
Weight 1 lb 12 oz






Day 2
Lochlan had a great day!

That first touch

Managed to get in to see Lochlan last night. He is so incredibly beautiful and tiny. He has to smallest little fingers and toes. And boy is he a fighter! His oxygen levels are looking good and he had a great night last night and is so far having a great day. Keep praying. We know this will be an up and down process and that he will be great one day or minute and the next not so great. There will be setbacks yes, but there will be miracles too. I got to touch his tiny little fingers and toes just to say, hey mommy's here Lochlan - I love you very much.

We went to visit him again this morning and he was moving around a lot which is a very good thing. Kicking his little legs almost to put on a show for mommy and daddy. I can't wait to be able to get out of the wheelchair so I can have a better look at our son.

Positive thoughts,
Jenner

Prayers needed now more than ever

I don't have much energy to write but feel like I need to as we need you to pray and pray hard for our son, Lochlan Robert McDonald who was born last night at 1 lb and 12oz. He has been up and down in his progress...but is really struggling at the moment with his lungs because they are so immature. The next 12-24 hours are the most crucial and could determine which path he chooses to take.

I have yet to visit him in the NICU as I had an emerg. c-section and am very much in pain not to say exhausted too. I hope to visit in the next few hours.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray that Lochlan pulls through this. He has already demonstrated that he is a fighter.

With love,
Jenn & Rob

An awesome appointment

This morning I had another Bio Physical Profile where they watch for movements and stretching and measure fluid and watch for practice breathing. In the last few times I've had them done, our miracle baby scored 4 out of 8. You get 2pts for each or 0.
Today, we scored a 6! Which was amazing considering the nurse said I'd probably never get points for fluid. There was a 2cm pocket of fluid - very low but still enough to earn our little one points! Woo-hoo! Also, there was some practice breathing happening, but it must be 30sec in a row and baby McDonald practiced for 15seconds. But again -- a great accomplishment as we are moving in the right direction! The little gaffer had hiccups too while we were there. So cool to feel those but it tuckered babe out and so while I was on the heart rate check, although it was very consistent, the baby was definitely resting.
So far so good.

Not so good it that we are in the process of buying a house, as well as selling our house. We have until June 4th to sell ours as part of the conditions. Unfortunately, I just heard from our real estate agent who told us that someone else put an offer in on the house we bought conditional on financing and home inspection. They don't have a house to sell. So annoyed. Postive thing is last night we had 2 showings and the one couple is coming back tonight for another showing. Please God, bless us on this too in that we can sell our house asap. I do not want to lose this house we love so much. But whatever will be, will be. Good thing is too that on Friday, if these people come through, we will have 24 hours to wave our conditions or let it go. Scary thought, but I am confident we will sell our house. I just didn't think it was possible to have another offer go in when things were moving along so well for us and they accepted our offer already. Strange. But I'm learning lots. And now have something else to pray about. Is it wrong to wish they don't get financing? lol

Anyway, I saw my students I was teaching before all of this happened today. Stopped in for lunch and had a nice little visit. It was great to see their smiling faces. Who knows what the future holds. Perhaps I'll be back there one day. We shall see.

Take care. And thank you for your continued prayers,
Jenner

and so it begins...

April 8th, 2010. There I was, enjoying being pregnant with my second child and getting anxious to start feeling those strong kicks. Everything was going along perfectly. I felt great. I sometimes had to remind myself that I was pregnant. And then one day, I got the flu and came home from school (I'm a teacher) and couldn't stop throwing up from both ends if you will. (sorry for the T.M.I. details) After a few hours of this, on my next trip to the loo, I had started bleeding. I immediately paged my midwife who told me to go to hosptial right away. I was scared beyond belief.
When we arrived, everything was such a blur. After being inspected down below and all my vitals taken, the doctor came in and did an ultrasound where I remember thinking, man that's really dark - how can he see anything? That's when he told us that my membranes had ruptured. The baby had very little fluid surrounding it. I was devestated. What did this mean? I was only 21 weeks and a few days!
I was admitted to hospital and started on antibiotics. A few days of IV antibiotics and then oral antibiotics. Friends and family were great and I felt the love immediately. Prayer blankets were made and I still sleep with both wrapped around my tummy. I was given blood thinners to ward off any blood clots while being confined mostly to my bed.

Although I had vistors throughout my week and a bit stay, it was very difficult to be in hosptial, away from my life, away from my husband and daughter. Thankfully, Abby, our daughter, adjusted really well with mommy being away from home and visited almost every day.

The one thing that I found to be the most difficult was being told that our baby was not considered viable until 24 weeks gestation. Reaching that milestone felt like a million years away. Especially when they say that women whose membranes rupture usually deliver within 48 hours to a week. Also, I hated being given the option on not just one occasion, but several where we could terminate the pregnancy and that it would be a perfectly reasonable decision. I understand some women choose to do this, but it was not an option for us. I can't imagine feeling this baby moving around in my belly and not giving it a chance to be a miracle baby. Our little miracle.

On Friday. April 16th, I was discharged as an outpatient and was told I would not have to remain on Fragmen (the blood thinner) and would not have to be confined to bedrest - just to take it easy and get lots of rest.

Overall, I have felt normal, I get tired very easily and also get a reminder several times throughout the day with fluid leaks, that everything is not normal for me right now. I continue to pray every day that our baby will be healthy and stay in my womb as long as possible.
I have been back and forth to hosptial at least 3x a week for heart rate checks on the baby, bloodwork, and doctor visits and also started Bio Physical Profiles where they watch the baby move and try practice breathing via ultrasound. Today, May 4th, I got my second dose of steroids to help mature the lungs. It's not a pleasant needle to receive. It goes in your hip/butt area and stings like a good thing. But I kept reminding myself that this is a good thing! You had to reach at least 24 weeks to get the shot! Friday, I meet with the pediatrics team from the NICU. I'm now 25 weeks along and hope to still be pregnant for at least another 5 weeks. I keep thinking 32 weeks is a good number to aim for. But it's really in God's hands and He knows what is best.

This is super long since it's my first entry but I wanted to give some back story. I hope you will continue to pray for me and my little growing miracle. And please pray for any other families who are going through similar situations. It is definitely not easy.

God Bless,
Jenner