Wednesday, June 30, 2010

My little burrito

Lochlan had a wonderful day. His O2 was between 38%-42% and he was all wrapped up like a burrito. So cute. He definitely does much better when he is swaddled.

To help him gain weight, they have added micro lipids to his diet. This should really help him beef up. I asked yesterday what the weight is of an average 33 weeker and Lois said a baby born not so premature would be about 2400-2500 grams. Lochlan is 1400grams and 2 weeks shy of that mark. And there's no way he'll gain a kilo in 2 weeks. So they decided to help him along and rather than add more human milk fortifier which he's already up to 4 packs I believe, they'd try him on the micro lipids. He is also receiving lasix daily now rather than every other day to help clear his lungs as they still sound wet.

This afternoon, I hadn't even sat down before his nurse, talked about holding him. So we snuggled for almost an hour. HEAVEN! I LOVE looking at my lil miracle. I got to hold him in my arms, rather than on my chest this time. Amazing. I'm not sure which I prefer, because they each have pros. I think I'll mix it up each time! When he's on my chest, I can give him kisses but when he's in my arms, I get a better view of his features.

When we were cuddling, his O2 got down to 36% and he was still sat'ing in the high 90s. The goal is to have his sat'ing between 82-87. They don't want him to be on too high of oxygen as this can have an impact on his eyes. It's the back and forth, higher, lower thing that can affect his eyes. Speaking of which, he had another eye exam today and again, all is normal. He will be checked again in 10-14 days. Oh please let his eyes continue to develop normally.

I found his nurse today to be a bit rough. She had to suction him a few times with the small catheter and she just shoved it around in his mouth and up his nose. She was like, oh he hates it when I do this. (No doubt!) It was difficult to watch. I knew that it needed to be done but I was like, he's still pretty fragile lady! It definitely did help him and he was able to have better O2, I just wish she could have been a bit more gentle.

Oh and after she brought him out for me, he was lying in my arms and I was looking at the monitor and seeing, check leak or something of that nature, and hearing this big shushing sound...and I'm waiting for them to do something....and I finally said, uh, is that supposed to say there's a leak? Um no! They fixed the tube that had come apart and Lochlan was fine but they still bagged him (gave him manual breaths -- the bag connects to his tube) just to be on the safe side. So I'm holding him in my arms, while they give him manual breaths and fix this thing. I wasn't scared, but was definitely an experience. And sort of brought everything back to reality for a bit - the fact that those tubes and wires are what's keeping him alive. Crazy. And thankful all at the same time.

Anyway, it was a nice way to wrap up the afternoon. (the snuggling part - minus the bagging)

Sleep well my little burrito! Mommy loves you.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Doctor's update and thoughts

Last night's weight was 1520grams...3 pounds and 5 1/2 ounces....tonight his weight was down over 100 1375 I think that was what she head was spinning a bit thinking, my word, he's dropped a lot. But it was a lasix day and he got extra lasix since he had a blood transfusion. (His hemoglobin levels were low)

He was pretty tuckered out when I visited him today. Slept, slept, and slept some more. One of my favourite nurses was on - Lois. She's such a blessing. I immediately get a warm feeling when she's there. Brings me comfort knowing that she is taking care of my baby boy. She found a four leaf clover and gave it to me!! How sweet is that. I placed in on the outside of Lochlan's isolette.

He continues to cruise along. Dr. Flavin came to talk to me since we haven't had a chat in a while. The main issue continues to be Lochlan's lungs because they are so premature. Basically he needs to pack on the pounds...or in his case - ounces! As he grows, he will heal more and hopefully require less oxygen and be able to get off the vent for good.

I asked about the leak in his tube (today it was fluctuating but was at one point 98%) and he said they've been discussing it but feel like they could put in a bigger one but it would probably be the same result...good for a few days, then another leak would present itself. (also he's a bit small for the bigger tube) But the main thing is that some part of his throat is dilated and irratated by the tube because he has been ventilated for the past almost 8 weeks. It will heal once he is not on the breathing tube but that will take some time too.

I asked about his eye test and apparently, I missed being told that he was even having one or that he'd had one because it was 2 weeks ago. It was normal. No ROP! But his eyes were showing immaturity which is where you would expect them to be given his gestational age. The doctor is going to monitor his eyes and he will have another exam this week to check their progress.

Doctor Flavin did mention that he thinks it is highly likely that Lochlan will come home on low flow oxygen (via nose prongs) so I guess that nurse was correct in her thinking. But still I didn't need her opinion thrown into the mix! And who really knows right?

He also estimates that Lochlan will be ready to come home in 10-12 weeks. (3-5 weeks longer than I'm hoping for) 10 weeks from now is September. The week of Rob's birthday in fact. So between September 7th -21st.
Please pray that Lochlan continues to heal and grow and that he will be ready to come home before then. I was thinking he'd only have a month and a few weeks to go...not two more months and a few weeks. I suppose in the grand scheme of things, what is one more month...but to me it feels like an eternity.

Tomorrow, I am looking forward to having another snuggle with my boy. Lois has already mentioned it and I will keep that in my thoughts as I go to sleep and wake up to start a new day.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

"I want to see Lochlan...I want to see my baby brudder!"

Lochlan had a great weekend. Saturday was a busy day so I wasn't able to get in to see him. I did have a little bit of guilt but am giving myself a break since that was the second time other than when I had my cold that I haven't been in to see him since he was born. I did call to get his stats though. He was up 70 grams and it was a lasix day! (which is very surprising) However he is now up to 4 packs of fortifier which gives him a lot more calories. As well as 18ml of breastmilk. I get the feeling he is at a lower weight than they expect at this point but he was only 1 pound and 12 ounces when he was born. So to be 1470 grams (3 pounds and 4 ounces) is pretty darn good to me!

So it will interesting to see what he weighs tonight. She's (Holly) not going to weigh him until his 2am feed as he is just settling down now. Apparently he was pretty active since she came on shift(7pm) and was moving around a lot and requiring more O2. Since he's settled, she has slowly started to wean his O2. I do wonder if this as to do with the fact that his leak in his tube is like 85%. Gee...hmmmm....


Yesterday Rob, Abby, and I went to our friends for a BBQ and visit. There was a one month old baby, (Micah - super cute) and when we were driving home Abby said "I want to see my baby brother, I want to see Lochlan." It really got me! I told her that we would see him the next day. Being around Micah really made her think of her brother I guess. Wow. I think she'll be okay with having a little brother around, what do you think?!

This morning she said the same thing - "I want to see Lochlan, I want to see my baby brother." I told her after she had her nap, we'd go to see him. Well, wouldn't the cutie putootie head for the stairs to go up to her bedroom! (It was only 10:30 - nap time a few hours away) But she was patient and so adorable when she finally did get to visit her baby brother.

She chatted with him and drew him a picture and flirted with the nurses. When is was time to go, she told him she loved him and blew him a kiss and said "bye, see you later." Super sweet. It was a quick visit today and I am anxious to get in to see him tomorrow and stay for a while.

Oh! I forgot to mention: His PICC line was removed today! WOO-hoo! He's getting everything orally now! No more IV's. So happy for him.

Now if we can work on that tube...

Friday, June 25, 2010

"Everything's going to be alright"

Thank you for your prayers for my sister, Terri. They worked! Both baby and Terri are doing much better. They still are baffled as to what actually happened but the care she is receiving and the antibiotics, etc are doing there thing. Baby is staying in his or her comfy cozy cocoon for the time being. Looks like Terri will be discharged after the weekend and be back in a few weeks to have the baby by induction. Those few more weeks will really make a difference in the well being of the baby. Even though it's close to full term, it can continue to grow and get stronger and then Terri & Barry will be able to take the baby home with them rather than it staying in the NICU. It's hard though, they were mentally preparing to have the baby as were we and now it's an about face. Hard to wrap your head around everything but it is definitely in the best interest of my little niece or nephew.

Onto Lochlan. He is doing so well. We had another snuggle yesterday!!! Kathleen was his nurse (she's great) and right away asked if I'd like to hold him. Uh, that's a no brainer! Felt so right. He was alert and trying to look up at me.

Then he ate and settled in and had a good nap. *sigh* I love him so much.
While he was cuddled with me he was sat'ing at 100 and she had to keep turning down his O2. Woo-hoo!

They may be adjusting some of his vent settings today to try to wean him. Although his nurse last night did say that because his leak is so big (with his tube) it may or may not affect him. He actually could be doing way better but needing more 02 because it's not reaching him properly. So we shall see. He may be tried out on BiPap sooner that we think. He so wants that tube gone and I don't blame him.

Last night his weight was up 35 grams so he now weighs 1430. (3 pounds 3 ounces)
Grow baby grow!

Throughout this journey I have had the song "Everythings going to be alright" by Deana Carter in my head. Here are lyrics:

There are times when my heart is uneasy with fear
The answers are nowhere in sight
Then I hear a sweet voice whisper soft in my ear
Everything's gonna be alright

When I see the people with hunger in their eyes
And no guidance through the night
Once again that sweet voice whispers soft in my ear, sayin'
Everything's gonna be alright

I'll show you the way if you'll only believe
Everything's gonna be alright
I'll show you the way if you just believe me
Everything's gonna be alright

Now I can see it's all comin' home
The message rings clear and bright
Just as He promised, no one ever walks alone
And His love will show the light

See the light shine, oh how it shines
Everything's gonna be alright
See the light shine, oh how it shines
Everything's gonna be alright
Everything's gonna be alright
Everything's gonna be alright
Everything's gonna be alright
Everything's gonna be alright

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Update & new pics

Lochlan now weighs 1395grams (3 pounds and 1 ounce) even though he had 2 poops today! lol I still think it's funny that I get excited over poop!
Last night his weight didn't go up or down. It stayed right at 1360.

He's been cruising along the last couple of days with no big changes, just minor tweaks here and there. He is now getting two packages of fortifier for his milk which should really help him gain.

He will also be having an eye exam coming up very soon. This is to check for ROP. Please look it up because I have a hard time remembering what it all means. Essentially it could lead to blindless if not caught in time. And babies that are earlier than 32 weeks gestation at birth have a greater chance of developing it since they've typically been up and down with the oxygen a lot more.
I told the nurse that I would file that in my "to worry about later" file.

I was annoyed a little bit yesterday with the nurse he had. Not to be rude, but she's not one of my favourites for sure. Not a great bedside manner. Very blunt. I had asked about when his next brain scan will be and it is scheduled for August 18th (the day after his official due date) and I wondered that if he was doing well and ended up being discharge before then what would happen - would I bring him in or would it be done sooner? And she said that she thinks he'll be here longer than that with all his respiratory problems etc....which led to her saying that she believes he will go home on low flow oxygen (prongs in the nose) but that this would be the least of his worries. (or problems I can't remember which word she used) Are you kidding me? I tend to laugh it off these days. And shake my head and roll my eyes. I get it. He may have some issues in the future. Trust me, I've already heard it all. But come on. I don't need to hear your opinion and you don't need to be so negative and rude about everything. Rob said I should have asked what she meant. But I didn't have the energy. And I really don't care. We'll cross whatever bridge we need to when we get there. I already know that that's a strong possibility given his gestational age when he was born. But miracles happen. And they continue to happen. And whatever will be will be.

Anyway, lucky for us Lochlan got to have her two days in a row. (typically the case) But together I was in a better mood. Plus I had something else to focus on too. I'll get to that in a bit.

Lochlan is doing great today. As mentioned earlier he's up to 3 pounds and 1 ounce. A far cry from the scawny lil guy he was. Still lots of weight to gain but he's doing awesome in my opinion. Nana and poppa came for a visit. They were happy to see his changes. His eyes were open and he was very alert which I was glad of.

It looks like he will be getting a new roommate very soon. Terri, my sister is in the hospital and is 34 weeks gestation but has some type of infection. They are trying to figure out what exactly...they've ruled out a kidney infection, but are thinking it's a uterine infection. But her appendix are still a strong possibility as well. She is getting induced but they are waiting to see and may end up doing a c-section. Her fever was spiking again (she was admitted with a temp of 108) and the baby's heartrate was going up. So we shall see. I gut tells me she will have a c-section. She's completing wiped from the pain and everything...she was admitted early this morning but she's been having pain since Sunday/Monday.

Anyway, regardless she will be having the baby most likely tomorrow. Because the baby is only 34 weeks gestation it will have to go to the NICU to be monitored and checked out etc. They asked me (the nurses) if I would like/wouldn't mind him or her being put next to Lochlan. I said absolutely they can. (They can keep eachother company)

So I'm just waiting for the phone call to get an update. Playing the waiting game.

On a more positive note and not so emotional...we sold our house!!! wooo-hooooo! A few minor conditions...but YES YES YES!!! Home inspection and financing which we've been told she's already been approved for and we're pretty much good to go. Closing date is July 30th...which we will be more than likely able to move up with the house we bought as they are moving out next weekend and really wanted a quick closing. We had told them this was a strong possibilty. So we should be able to confirm everything by July 8th. Fingers crossed everything works out. THANK YOU GOD! Some stress off my shoulders. July 8th it will really be lifted and then of course once Lochlan comes home, a whole different story!!! : )

Anyway, I should get to bed. Long day and another long one again tomorrow.

Please continue to keep Lochlan in your thoughts as well as say a new one for Terri and Barry's baby to come and also if you could send out a prayer to all the NICU babies and their parents that would be wonderful especially to Timmy & Natalie, and Nora.


Tuesday, June 22, 2010

"Hi baby brudder!"

Sunday was a busy day. Abby and I started the day with some fun outside at the playground and let daddy sleep in til 11! Lucky boy for Father's Day! Then it was a last clean-up session to get ready for our open house and then off to visit Lochlan for me and Abby and Rob to Nana's for a nap. (Open house was from 1-4)

As soon as I got there I put on my gown (you have to wear a gown when you snuggle) and sat patiently while his nurse Alyssa prepared him. Then...*sigh* heaven as my little boy was put on my chest. It took a little bit for him to settle while he had his feed which I think was a little chilly for him as I don't remember her warming it up in his isolette. I had brought in some fresh milk but transported it with an ice pack but I don't think she realized this and thought it was room temp. I could be wrong but as she was pushing it through his tube, I felt the coolness since his tube side was lying on my chest. Anyway, I think he may have had some gas but then he passed it and all was good. He settled down beautifully.

We cuddled for almost an hour which went by so fast. Alyssa hadn't taken her lunch break and it was just after 3 so bless her for waiting!

Abby and Rob got there about 3:30 and Ab had only slept for the ride over to Nana's and wouldn't sleep upon arrival. So I was a bit concerned she'd be overtired. She was but she was super excited to meet her baby "brudder." I wish I had of brought the video camera! So adorable! "Hi baby brudder. Hi Lochlan. That's my baby brudder. That's Lochlan. *giggle giggle* Hi. *wave* *blow kisses*

She then sang a bit of "You are my sunshine" and we got a couple of family pics. Then Abby and I left for home and left Rob to visit but not before she left with some presents - two of Lochlan's diapers. One of his newborn size and one of his preemie size he's outgrown. Which amazingly didn't really fit when he was first born. I will take a pic and compare them to something tomorrow and post. It's truly unbelievable how tiny they are.

Lochlan's weight Sunday night was 1290grams (had dropped 50 but I had figured since he had a big poop and it was a lasix day) but was back up to 1360 tonight when I called. So he now weighs 3 pounds! Crazy!

AND he is on full feeds and no more TPN!!! (the nutrition from the drip into his IV) And his milk is being fortified once again. Very exciting! Grow baby grow!

He is now 32 weeks gestation and it's still hard to believe that he is not still in my belly and as been welcomed into this world for almost 7 weeks. We are hopefully about halfway there before bringing him home. Some of you have asked if there is a timeframe of when we'll be able to bring him home. No, not yet. Still a while to go yet. But we're getting there.

Oh, forgot to mention last week that he was out of isolation. He was still in his "private" room but was finally moved today back in with the other babies. I was disppointed today because when I arrived I couldn't go in for over an hour since they were putting in lines for a new baby in his area. I got in a bit of a snooze in the sunroom after reading for a bit but got restless and anxious as the waiting stretched on. (I was told it would be about a half an hour) Finally, I was able to go in to see him. So our visit was cut short because of it but I understand. I'm sure there have been a few times when other parents haven't been able to go see their little ones while Lochlan had procedures done. Just sucks though. You want to be able to see your baby - especially right away when you get there.

Okay, back to bed for me. I had some sleep but had to get up to pump and then thought I'd blog for a bit. Oh - today was a big day for me. I joined the gym again! First post-baby workout. And actually first real workout since being preggers. Go me. It'll be a good stress reliever and obviously good for overall health and well being. Plus there is a sauna and a water massage table, and a tanning bed. Sign me up for that! It's included in my membership! Woo-hoo! Guess what I'll be doing tomorrow -- the massage for sure!


Saturday, June 19, 2010

Getting ready to meet baby "brudder"

Lochlan's weight last night was up again 20 grams! (to 1265 grams)
As of 6pm tonight he is up to 8ml (or cc) of breastmilk and is set to go up again at midnight to 9ml! Woo-hoo! We're getting there in the feeds. His full feedings will be roughly 16ml so we're getting super close! So if he keeps tolerating it well, he should be up to full feeds by midnight on Monday! (And if I did my calculations correctly too!)

When I visited this afternoon he was pretty tired. I didn't disturb him with chatting all that much and putting my hands on him. I wanted to let him have a great sleep. Aylssa his nurse today said that'd he'd been awake a lot throughout the day.
They also adjusted one of his vent settings to go back to a different system that he was on a few days ago because he was tiring out a bit.

Tomorrow we are planning on a snuggle and then Rob will bring Abby in to meet her baby "brudder!" I can't wait. We have been talking about Lochlan a lot with Abby and she mentions him now and then so we think now would be a good time for them to meet. We were going to wait until it got closer to him coming home but think she is ready now. And this way it will hopefully help her connect the dots a little bit more. Today when I mentioned that I was going to visit her baby brother, I asked her if she wanted me to say hi to Lochlan for her and she said yes. (and she didn't get upset when I left either) A very good sign!

I can't wait. I really hope Lochlan has a good day tomorrow so we can have the snuggle and the visit and get in a family pic or two as well!

Friday, June 18, 2010

Another snuggle

Yesterday afternoon Lochlan and I got to have another snuggle. LONG overdue! It felt like it went by so fast! We had about a 40 min snuggle - not skin to skin this time though, just in case he needed to be put back quickly. Although to be honest, I don't see the difference...he still has all the tubes, etc...oh well.

Last night his weight was up he now weighs 1245grams.(2 pounds and 12oz)
His O2 has been in the 40s which isn't totally pleasing to me but he is fighting another infection.

Yes, I know - another one! The swab they took last week from his tube turned out to be positive. So my lil monkey has to deal with another infection. Chances are that he's had it there all along and it just finally decided to flare up. I was told that this could have been something that I had and passed on to him when he was in the womb. We will never know. This could also be the reason he didn't do so well on BiPAP and needed to be reintubated. Obviously the infection affects his lungs as well.

So he is on some different antibiotics now and fingers crossed and prayers said that he fights this one off and can get back to being ready to be extubated.

This morning when I went in for our visit, his vent settings were adjusted again. They went down on his ...hmmm can't remember what it's called. Peep I think. I get the Pip and the Peep mixed up. Anyway he's now at 18 & 6 with those two. Which is a great step in the right direction. Preps him better too to be extubated!

Anyhoo, I thought I'd write a quick update before I get back to painting. We have an open house on Sunday so there are some last minute decorating updates to be done. We put another offer in on a house and it was accepted but we need to sell our place as one of the conditions of course. This is the third house we've put an offer in on and it's been accepted. I pray that the third time is the charm and everything works out. (the last 2 someone else has come in without conditions and we lost the house)

Positive thoughts! I would just really like this part of our lives to be dealt with really. Get rid of a little added stress. Is that too much to ask? I know all of my prayers have been focused on Lochlan, but I'd love to be in a new house and settled before he comes home. I don't want to be moving soon after he gets home. But I suppose if that's what has to happen, then that's what has to happen!

But please be in the cards!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

6 weeks old

Yesterday, Lochlan was 6 weeks old. I can't believe that 6 weeks have gone by since my little miracle baby was helped into this world. The doctors and nurses continue to be amazing. It still blows my mind the things that they are able to do to keep these lil ones alive.

Yesterday was a bit of a mixed bag. He had a great day - they extubated him around 11am and tried him out on CPAP. It was a bit too much for him as he was requiring 70% oxygen. So they decided to switch him to BiPAP. This gives him more assistance but still makes him do some work on him own. He lasted a while but when I called in the early evening they had reintubated him. He tired out. To be honest, I wasn't surprised. When I visited him that afternoon, he did look to be working a lot and seemed to be pretty pooped. Poor lil guy. I told him that I was super proud of him. One of the toughest moments came when I was told that I could have a snuggle and I had to turn it down. It hurts my heart that I needed to but I know that's what was best for him. I still have this tickle in my throat and knew that it just wasn't worth being selfish and end up passing something on to him. But man --- did I ever want to so bad!! I realize that there will be many opporunities to hold him in the near future so that's what gets me through.

I called this morning to check in and he is doing fine. His O2 is still in the 40s but his nurse, Rosemary said that she had been handling him so that could be why. (handling in this instance means that she changed his position to his side which she didn't think he was liking all that much)

His weight last night was 1225 grams. (2 pounds 12 ounces I believe) And it was a lasix day so that is very good news! His feeds are 1ml every 2-4 hours which will hopefully be increased today. For those of you wondering 1cc and 1ml are the same thing. I know sometimes I use cc and sometimes I use ml.

I'm really hoping that I can go see him today. I still have a bit of a tickle in my throat which occasionally causes a tiny cough. I'm praying that it magically disappears by this afternoon so I can go see my baby.

Thank you again and again and again for your positive thoughts and prayers and support. Today, I give a special thank you to some Regi staffers for the meal gift certificates as well as some homemade food; and especially to Mary Elaine for her warmth and generosity. And to the Bayridge Secondary School Staff Association for the beautiful (and super yummy) basket full of goodies.

And I want to thank Lochlan for teaching me what it truly means to never give up! I am incredibly blessed to have been chosen to love and take care of you and I look forward to all of the amazing things you will accomplish.
Love, mommy. xoxoxo

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Further weaning! (31 weeks gestation)

Anyone want to volunteer to take my sore throat for me? It's not that bad. Just annoying really. But enough that I don't want to risk going to see my gorgeous little boy. Very frustrating. The nurse was like, if it's just allergies than come in but I know it's not. (which I've never heard of by the way - getting a sore throat with allergies) Abby has a bit of a cough and runny nose so I know my body is most likely fighting that too. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!
I pray it goes away so I can go visit him tomorrow! I don't want to be out like I was that first week for 4-5 days! Guess it's telling me I need to sleep more and rest up.

Good news to share! Lochlan was further weaned today! He's now at assisted 30 bpm on the vent and his morphine is being weaned as well. All in prep for extubation hopefully soon!!! WOO-HOO!!! He is also getting 1ml of breastmilk every 4 hours rather than 6!

I'm so very proud. He is by far a warrior and an inspiration.

**UPDATE @ 11pm**
Lochlan now weighs 1215 grams (2 lbs, 11oz) although today was a non lasix day so chances are his weight will be down again tomorrow. Hopefully not by much. His nurse Kathleen said that he is having a good night. He had his eyes open for a while and was looking around. And his oxygen was between 35-40%. He has a big leak again in his tube. Probably another reason they are prepping him for extubation. (and the reason his O2 needs are a tad higher)

Monday, June 14, 2010

New pics and improvements

The green thing is his soother. It looks huge! They actually cut off quite a bit so that it fits around his tubes.

I must apologize for not blogging sooner. We moved our computer down to the basement and the cable wasn't working.

Lochlan is improving with each passing day. I am so very proud of him. His oxygen has remained pretty much below 35% with the last few nights around 28%. He definitely prefers his tummy over his back. Mommy too!

His vent settings have been lowered again! Wonderful news! He is slowly being weaned from the vent. His bpm are now at 45 and they changed some other setting as well. But I'm not sure what.

He occasionally drifts in his saturation but rarely needs to be intervened with more o2. He's able to recover A LOT better than before. I have a feeling that if he hadn't of gotten this stupid infection he's been fighting that he would have been weaned a lot sooner. But at least it's happening now. I pray that he only continues to get better and stronger day by day.

They did take a swab of some of his secretions yesterday as a precaution. Fingers crossed he doesn't have another infection! But again it's a precaution and they weren't too concerned about it.

He's still on 1ml of breastmilk every 6 hours. They didn't want to increase it just yet. But the nurse tonight said that they probably will tomorrow to 1ml every 4 hours.

Last night he weighed 1175 grams (2 pounds, 9 ounces) but tonight he was down 30 or 35 I can't remember what she said. So that makes him 1140 grams or so - 2 lbs, 8 oz or 2 and a half pounds!) He did have his lasix today so that can cause some weight loss as it gets rid of extra fluids. The nurse said she is going to mention this and suggest they add some more sugars to his TPN so he'll start gaining some more weight.

Today I brought in 2 stories to read to him. I was reciting from memory the other day since Abby and I read so many books together over and over again you tend to know them by heart! I took in "I love you through and through" and "Someday."

Saturday when I was visiting, there was a new baby that had been born. The daddy was in visiting immediately after the birth and I really felt his emotions. It really choked me up as it brought me right back to when we first began this crazy rollercoaster journey. I really felt for him. The unknown, the worry, the confusion, the pain, the concern, the love...

I wanted to reach out and say that his baby is in incredible care and that I get it.

These are his digs!

A couple of the machines that monitor him and keep things going.

Close up of where his settings were that day. (Sunday)

Friday, June 11, 2010

Results and update

I can't believe it's been 3 days since my last post. Sorry I've slacked off a bit. Lochlan has been improving with each passing day. His oxygen requirements have decreased and were even sitting at 23-24% the other night! During the day though they creep back up to between 35-45%. I'll take that too for now!

The results came back from his abdominal scan and his kidneys look great. No worries there. Also his blood culture came back negative so no bacteria growth. Phew! Those antibiotics seem to be doing there thang! His brain scan results came back as well and nothing has changed. Although the nurse said that if she's reading it correctly, (interpreting what the doctor wrote in his chart) than it is starting to regress. I certainly hope so.

What else has happened in the last 3 days...oh this is kind of funny - yesterday I told Lochlan that he has his daddy's hairline and he didn't like that too much. He started setting off some bells and whistles...but he came right back up on his saturation so it was just enough to say - Mom!!! Give me a break here!

I had a nice giggle though.

Today when I was telling him a few stories and singing a few songs, it seemed like he was smiling every now and then. Super cute! And it definitely made me feel good.

Oh! I know what I forgot! They decreased his vent settings! They went down on his bpm. (breaths per minute) He now is getting 50 although he tends to breathe more than that anyway but this just helps him along. The RT after I asked said that they would only ever go down to 45 which they had considered today but instead decided to wean him gradually so that he doesn't tire himself out too quickly and need to be increased again. After the 45 bpm they would start weaning him on a few other settings and then perhaps look at extubating and trying him out again on BiPAP or CPAP. When he's ready of course which probably won't be for at least another few weeks as he needs to rid himself of his infection. He'll be on the antibiotics for at least another week if not two more weeks.

The infection that he has is called...(if I'm hearing it correctly and of course spelling is the other issue here) Clempsia...or Clembsia?? Gut bug. It's apparently a surface bacteria hence the need for isolation and wearing of the gown and gloves. To be honest it's nice to have the private room - just wish it was under different circumstances.

I can't remember if I've mentioned that they removed his picc line. It starting leaking the other day so now he has an IV. His feeds are still at 1ml every 6 hours. They had up'd it to every 4 hours but he started bringing a little bit of it back up in his tube so hopefully that will all sort itself out soon.

I need to charge my camera battery so I will do that tonight and try to take some more pics tomorrow. He's getting more and more handsome every day. (and doing super cute things with his hands and face)

I decided to try out a new look for the blog. I think it's quite fitting.
Til tomorrow,

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

30 weeks gestation

Wow! It's hard to believe it's almost been 5 weeks since I gave birth to Lochlan. Today marks his 30 week gestation. He would have been born in 10 more weeks or so and my belly would have been getting nice and big and well rounded! Oh well. For whatever reason, Lochlan was meant to come into this world a fighting.

Before having Abby, the pregnancy prior I miscarried shortly after I found out that I was pregnant. I was thinking about that today and realized that that baby's due date would have been May 5th. I was trying to remember if it was May 5th or the 3rd but I'm pretty convinced it was the 5th. Either way, it's slightly weird that Lochlan was born on the same day as that baby would have been due or around that time anyway.

Today as I entered the NICU, I donned my lovely hospital gown and gloves and went into his private room. (the infectious disease specialist wanted him moved to a room on his own) It was strange being in a room all by ourselves. To be honest it was a bit of a pain in the butt. Mind you, I like the privacy, just not the reason he's there and those gloves are hot and sticky! And I still don't get why after 5 days since it started they decided to put him in a room of his own. Why now? Yesterday we had a snuggle with skin to skin contact, and today I'm wearing gloves to touch him and having to pump in his room rather than go to the special pumping room and having to place the bottles in a bag and having to bag my book that I brought with me just to leave the NICU. Odd.

Other than those precautions, Loch is doing well in my opinion. His O2 requirements were sitting around 42% when I was there and he looked well. His picc line was removed this morning. It started leaking and so they had to take it out. He now has an IV in his foot. Poor lil monkey. But at least his arm is free now even though the skin is very dry. I wish they could put some cream on it or something.

He had an abdominal ultrasound done today to check out his kidneys. Haven't heard the results yet. And he also had his blood culture taken - they had to shave a bit of his hair since they took it from his head. He will have a head scan tomorrow to check on his bleeding (even though it was supposed to not be until next week) but because of the infection they want to check out everything as an extra precaution. Please God, let everything be normal. No more bleeding on his brain.

His feeds were resumed today as well. There were two more bottles of collostrum that were found in the freezer so he got some of that. Well, 1 ml! But it's a start. He'll get 1ml every 6 hours and then gradually increase if he tolerates it well.

So that's where things are at right now. I'll call in a little bit to check his weight and to get an overall update on how he's doing. Oh, I forgot to mention that the RT (respiratory therapist) said that his lungs sounded much better today! : )

Til tomorrow,

*UPDATE* 11pm
His weight increased by 200 grams! Crazy! His nurse, Sandy said she was going to weigh him again since that really is a lot to increase by and he'd had a big pee. (or void as they call it!) So until she weighs him again, he is 1240 grams. (2.73 pounds or 2 lbs 11 oz) She also said that his O2 has been 24-25%!!!! That's awesome!!! It hasn't been that low in a long time! Keep it up my lil miracle!

More snuggle time & pics

Finally: another snuggle! Our third time with some cuddle time and I had my camera ready! I was super excited he'd had a good night and was having a good day so far. His oxygen levels were sitting around 35% and he no longer was having any bile in his feeding tube. (He'd had an upset tummy the last few days) Also - his secretions have decreased so much less suctioning. Whew! I believe the antibiotics are working!
We shall see tomorrow (well most likely Wednesday or Thursday) if they are because he will have a blood culture done to find out if the bacteria is still growing or going away, etc.

When I called tonight just after 8pm they had moved him to his own private room. The infectious disease specialist suggested this as a precaution. His infection is common according to the nurse, and I'm not sure why, after 5 days they are moving him to isolation. You'd think that would have been done almost immediately. Perhaps I'll find out more tomorrow.

Not only did I get in some good cuddling time, I got to change his diaper for the first time! One wouldn't think you could get that excited over changing a diaper, but I certainly did! He got mad at me though. My hands were a bit chilly and the nurse said that it could have been too because he was thinking he was going to get poked or prodded.

Time to hit the hay. I fell asleep during the Bachelorette girls night with my girlfriends Danielle and Amy. D'oh! So I know I'm super tired!


Monday, June 7, 2010

Happy One month birthday!

We had a really good weekend. Our 50th family reunion (for my side) was on Saturday so Rob, Abby and I had some much needed rest and relaxation. (and fun) It also marked Abby's first camping experience. She went up with Mom & Dad, Aunt Michele, Aunt Chrissy & Uncle Brad, cousins Blake and Owen, and Aunt Terri and Uncle Barry on Friday night while Rob and I had our first date night in quite a while. We went to dinner and saw Iron Man 2 which to be honest, although I liked the movie, I unfortunately struggled to stay awake. I kept doing that jumpy shake as I drifted off because I was trying to stop myself. Good times! But it was still a very enjoyable evening. As was the entire weekend. Rob and I camped Saturday night with my immediate family and enjoyed a campfire and good company. Definitely needed that!

Lochlan had a fantastic weekend as well! We visited with him on Saturday morning (his first month birthday) before we left and he was doing much better. We made sure they had cell phone numbers and off we went. (the reunion was 3 hours away so I was a bit apprehensive in leaving him with all of the developments this past week but thankfully he was doing a lot better) Julie, his nurse asked me if I wanted a cuddle. "Oh man!" Two snuggles so far since he was born, and I've been craving them so bad lately and on the day I was "allowed" I wasn't able to! (we had to get on the road for the reunion but mostly - because you know I'd certainly delay that for some good quality snuggling time with my boy, Juile realized that the doctor hadn't been by for rounds and would very likely be doing that just as we got settled in. D'oh! I was disappointed but reassured that this was a good thing if they were going to let me hold him!!

I called late Saturday night and was told that Loch was had had a good day and his night was going well too. He had gained 40 grams!!! His nurse, Nicholas said that he was going to weigh him again because he'd gained so much and he wanted to make sure it was accurate. It was! He is now back up to 1080 grams. He had lost weight and got down to 1020 on Thursday I think it was. Almost back to where he left off at 1100 grams just before all this infection business started.

This afternoon's visit came with some more comfort. His oxygen requirements had been at around 35% all day and he had had only a few spells. This was wonderful news considering he'd been in the 50s and 60s the last few days. He also had only been suctioned a few times. (not once every hour or two as was the case since Wednesday)

Tomorrow he will have some blood work done as well as a blood culture to check for bacteria and basically to see if the antibiotics are working. Which in my opinion are! He looked really good. He is still on full TPN and we'll find out hopefully tomorrow when they might start to resume his feeds. Also, they will not be doing a spinal tap. (sigh) Another good sign in my opinion. And his picc line remains. Another good thing since they won't have to start an IV and them put in a new picc line in a few days which is a complicated but much needed process.

Again I thank you for your continued support and prayers. I am amazed at how truly wonderful you are.


Friday, June 4, 2010

The Ups and the Downs...

Good days and bad days. They said he'd have them and this week has definitely been more challenging for our lil guy. Up to this point, he really has been doing very well. Wednesday things starting to be a little more of a concern. As said in a previous post, his secretions turned a bit yellowish and they took a swab of it and sent it off to the lab. They tested other things as well - this and that and levels were high for his white blood cells which means he's fighting an infection. They also took a blood sample and sent that off for testing.

Prayers are highly needed as Lochlan has a blood infection. There are two types of bacteria one being positive germs and one negative germs. He has the negative one which basically means what the word does - it's the bad bacteria to have. The more aggressive type. The good news is that he was started on antibiotics as soon as they suspected he had an infection. Hopefully in a couple of days it will kill all of the bacteria but he will still be on antibiotics for a few weeks to make sure it gets every last one of those suckers! They aren't sure what type of bacteria it is but will know more in the next few days.

They may end up doing a spinal tap to make sure he doesn't have meningitis. But it is quite the process to get the right positioning and it will depend on how well they think he will tolerate the procedure. So to that end, they are hoping the antibotics will take effect and therefore rule that out.

Apparently it is not all that uncommon for preemies to get infections and be on antibiotics. His nurse today said she can't believe he hasn't been other than when he was first born. In a way that brings me a strange comfort.

They have stopped his feeds for the time being and will hopefully resume in the next few days. But not to worry - he won't be going hungry as he is back on TPN and he's getting his protein and fats, etc.

They also had to sedate him since yesterday because he is being too active for his own good. And it's tiring him out and therefore he was requiring a bit more oxygen and he was desat'ing as well more frequently. He tends to want to try to breathe on his own and ends up breathing against the vent but then gets too tired to finish what he started. Another great thing to note is that he is not acting sick. Most babies that have this type of infection, especially when it's super serious, they are not active and instead are more like a limp noodle. Not the case with Loch.

His nurse last night said that she thinks he's going to have a bit of a temper just because of how he reacts to certain things they do. But I like to think he's Mr. Independent just like his sister is Miss. Independent! He's tired of the vent doing it for him and all the other things that are happening. He wants to do it all on his own. And I get that. But not yet my dear sweet boy. He was getting upset yesterday at one point with the tube and I had to talk him through letting the vent do its job. He settled down a bit after that. I like to think he listened and was comforted by his mommy.

He's a warrior for sure and as my mom says, a trooper. Please keep him in your daily prayers.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Prayers please

When we first started this journey we were told that there would be good days and there would be bad days. Today - Lochlan's 4 week birthday, was a not so good day. After yesterday, I was feeling pretty good about everything. He seemed to be moving in the right direction. Today, his secretions started to look a bit yellow. And he had a chest x-ray and it showed some issues which are of concern. They swabbed his secretions and sent it off to the lab for some testing. We won't have the results for 24-48 hours but if they notice any bacteria growing before that, they will not hestitate to start him on antibiotics. He has had to be suctioned every few hours the past few days but the fluid was always clear. So obviously there is a concern that he is fighting something. His oxygen has been in the 50s and above and his bpm (breaths per minute) has been quite high as well. He's definitely having to work a lot harder.

I had a hard time today while I was there. Most days I'm pretty strong. But today I found it difficult to see him and know that he was struggling more than usual and not be able to just pick him up and comfort him. Cause that's what you do when you're a mom - you hold your baby in your arms and tell them everything is going to be alright and they look up at you like, okay mom, and snuggle in. It's extremely hard to just sit and stare at him and the odd time be able to put my hand on his back when I want so desperately to do the things most new moms can do.

When I checked in tonight, his nurse said that his weight went 1015grams...but she's going to do it again because it went way down. Last night it was 1095 grams. His hemoglobin is low too so they are giving him another blood transfusion tonight. (using Rob's blood again)

Today the doctors had decided that he was going have his picc line removed which I was super excited about but then with his stats decreasing and him requring more assistance and intervention, that will be put off for a while until he fights whatever it is that ails him.

So that's where things sit right now. Prayers are definitely needed and greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Pics & 29 weeks gestation

Lochlan continues to amaze me. He is tolerating his feeds very well - he's up to 12cc every 2 hours and started the fortifier yesterday. They are going to double the fortifier tomorrow and if he tolerates that, his picc line will be removed!! woo-hoo!
(that's the lines that go into his arm and has his arm from hand to elbow in a splint to hold everything is place) I was just saying to Rob last night that I can't wait for that to be removed. Give his arm a break and let the air at it.

Last night when he was weighed he was 1100 grams (2.4 pounds or 2 pounds and 6 ounces) He did have a big #2 after he was weighed and was also weighed him with his he's probably less than the 1100 grams. We shall see tonight what he's up to.

His oxygen requirements were sitting at about 35% for most of the day which is great considering he's been around 45-50% the last few days. And he wasn't having as many spells. He still needs to be suctioned every few hours but the nurse told me that's to be expected due to his gestational age.

I took some new pics today. Some of you were wondering how small/big he is compared to other things. So hopefully you'll get a better idea.

Take care and thanks for continued prayers.