Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Seriously? Seriously!

Wow! What a couple of days it has been!

Lochlan had some good solid nursing sessions. Tuesday I went in twice to feed him and I enjoyed feeling like I was finally able to do something for him. He was being a champion as per usual. So proud of him.

He did have a bit of a greenish looking loose stool a few times, but that has since gone away. If you're reading this over breakfast, I apologize. I like to be very thorough in my descriptions! lol

They cancelled his MRI due to the fact that too much time had passed since he had his seizures and because he's been doing so well. He hasn't had any more so they are convinced it was a side effect from the drugs he got during surgery.

He hasn't had his eyes rechecked yet but should be today or tomorrow I would think.

Monday night when I called, the nurse asked if she could bottle him (give him a bottle of my breastmilk) because he was a madman. I said sure as long as it wouldn't interfere with breastfeeding. They do both with a lot of babies so I gave the go ahead. Also, his nurse said that tomorrow night (this meant Tuesday night) that she would put him in an open crib. And to bring in some clothes! How exciting!

My excitement was short lived however. The next night, he had a different nurse who didn't think he was quite ready to be in an open crib. His weight has been fluctuating since his surgery and actually he lost probably over 100 grams. So they want to see him holding steady in his weight and be closer to, if not over 1900 grams. He was only 1805 Tuesday.


Okay, here is where some good times come in for Jenner. Not so much, really. I started noticing a bit of rash on the side of my right breast on Monday. And it was a little itchy. I didn't think much of it. Changed bras and went on my merry way.

But it started to bug me a little more and got bigger so I made a doctor's appointment and went Wednesday. I had been planning to go in to nurse Lochlan for the 2:30 feed. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to.

Apparently, I have shingles. This is from the same virus that causes chicken pox. Basically if you've ever had chicken pox, the virus sits dormant in your system and can flare up at any time, especially when you're under a lot of emotional stress, or if your immune system is weakened.

Lucky me.

My prescription was very cheap - ha ha - over one hundred dollars.

Lucky me.

And Lochlan had to be moved to an isolation room and be started on the vaccine for chicken pox but it's not the regular vaccine babies get when they are one. It's just the antibodies.

I am not allowed to visit him until after the rash is cleared up which could be one week to a month.

Lucky me.

And I have to pump and dump because they are extra cautious and are concerned about transporting the milk. It wouldn't be in the breastmilk itself, but rather on the containers perhaps.

Again, lucky me.

As I was sitting in the patient room at the doctor's office, I thought: "Seriously? Seriously! Are you kidding me?"

It's like "oh, you've handled that really well, try this!"
I told Rob that if we don't win the lottery now, we never will!

So had an interesting afternoon to say the least. I am very upset that I can't see my baby. I allowed myself 5 minutes to wallow in self pity and then have since tried to shrug it off. That's the reality and I can't do anything about it.

I spoke with the infectious disease specialist who called last night. She chatted for almost 20 mins! Asking questions and commenting. She thinks it would be valid to get a second opinion because she says it doesn't sound like shingles. I feel fine, am in no pain (which apparently, it's very painful) I have no other symptoms other than this itchy rash. And they aren't blistering or oozing or whatever it is that happens. (again, sorry about the details)

So I am waiting for her to call me this morning (Thurs) because she was trying to track down the sample swab they took. She was going to rush the results and if it wasn't the right test, then I will go in this morning to be retested and get looked at.

Meanwhile, this morning I feel like it's not as red and raised...to be honest I've been putting some zinc oxide on it (same stuff I used for Abby's diaper rash) and it seems to be working! Who needs $110 dollar prescription!!! Argh!

So we'll see. We're also waiting to see if Rob is allowed to go in to see Lochlan.
What a crazy time! I think it's almost laughable at this stage. I mean, really!

In terms of if I actually do have shingles, I can't give it to anyone unless they are in direct contact with the site and hmmm...yeah that's not going to happen!

Well, Abby is wondering where "mommy go" so I'd better get back upstairs. We are finishing up moving today and cleaning so she will be going to granny and grandpa's today (THANK YOU!!) so I need to spend some time with her before we take her.And thanks for waking up at 5:50am today Abby. Love it!

Tomorrow, we officially get our keys to our new house. (We have been allowed to put stuff in the garage these last few weeks) So excited. Finally, a little less stress.

P.S. When I called last night, Lochlan's weight was up but I can't remember to what. 1865 perhaps. That sounds about right. So back to 4 lbs, 2 oz. And he bottle fed and took 50mls! (His target is 36) Go Lochlan!

He will be fine, I know that. But if I truly do have shingles, I'm not sure how these next few weeks will go. It's so hard knowing that we're so close and coming to the end of the NICU journey. It sucks royally and I pray I heal fast and can get back to nursing and hanging out with our baby boy.


  1. Oh Jen,
    What a blow! It is a fact though that your family can get through this, whether it be shingles or not (I had them too, not fun!). We will say prayers for you to get better soon and for your new home! Keep your head up and stay strong!
    Take Care

  2. Dear Jen,
    thanks for this post, your such an amazing writer! Lochlan will be so lucky to be able to go back to this blog and learn about his mother's/family's journey during his first year.

    As much as i know you can feel like "why is this happining to me/us" - and no one can blame you for that - you are dooing so great, taking everything in strides.
    As an outsider, I can see so many blessings here, and you are so lucky!
    To have a specialist call you, talk for 20 minutes, then rush your tests is amazing. As is the hope that it may be a miss diagnosis.

    You are also in the right space right now. But remenber to take care of you. Do what you feel like doing, take some time to wallow, but not to much. Pack your boxes, scream a few times, call a good friend and take a long walk/run or bath.

    Your story is so inspiring to me. And I know, in a few months, when Lochlan is home, in your arms and smiling at you for the first time - this will all be just a memory.

    Your baby is so strong, you are so strong, and your family is so strong. There is no need for anyone to worry about you guys, because we all know you will all be fine. But know that many people are in your life to help you out along the way, and even more people are keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.

    I wish you the best of luck with the new house (how exciting!) and I look forward to more posts on how you guys are doing and my thoughts & prayers are with you guys and Lochlan.

    Sincerely and with much love,
    Kara Babcock

  3. jen
    it never rains when it pours just think when all this is over you and rob can conquer anything life throws at you. get that second opion it doesn't sound like shingles at all i had a friend who had it and she said it is very painful, well i wish you all the best and i am so glad to hear that lochlan is doing so well.love you guys!

  4. Hang in there. Things will be fine. Just hang in there. Soon you'll have your "coming home day". I celebrate ours every year with the girls, to me that day is as important as the day they were born as it is the day I truly got to be with my babies. The first thing we did was take them home, and fall asleep on the couch holding them. Something we were never permitted to do in the NICU - you couldn't even close your eyes for a long blink.

  5. Hi Jenn,

    So sorry to hear about your Shingles!
    I had them one summer during college actually. They weren't painful, just really itchy, but hurt if I touched them they were just very sensitive.

    And they looked horrible because they pussed up and then the blisters broke open, but that is how the doctor knew they were healing themselves apparently. So if they start to look worse before they get better that's normal!

    The only medicine they gave me was some cream to help with the itchiness! Other than that they let me "ride them out"

    It left some pox scars though, even though I hardly touched them. The scars haven't been noticeable in years until the skin was stretched out with the pregnancy and then I was was like "hey those are my shingle scars!"

    It only lasted a couple weeks and then they were gone though from start to finish I hope yours don't linger and you can see your baby boy again soon!

    Glad you got to see/talk to the specialist though.