Friday, July 30, 2010


Well, yesterday didn't go quite as planned. I intended on finishing up packing and cleaning all day. We took Abby to Granny & Grampa's (THANK YOU AGAIN) and I had to hang around downtown to wait for the doctor to call me. She told me she'd call before 10am.

I finally spoke with Dr. Onyette around 9:45am and the plan was to wait for her to call me back as she was going to head over to my family doctor's after an appt. she had. And to wait for her call again.

So off I went to do a few errands and wait.

When it got to be 11 o'clock, I decided enough was enough and went home. She finally called and basically said that Lochlan was given the antibodies last night and was doing well (I already knew this as I call at least twice a day) and that the person who diagnosed me had a senior physician come in and she said that it was shingles as well. Now the swab that they took they didn't use because there wasn't anything to swab. (knew that) But she still wanted me to go in again for a reassessment at 3pm.

In the midst of this, I had to pick up my sister and bring her back to our house to help clean and pack, go out to my parents to drop off something, pick up something for my other sister and drop that off and...holy cow...where was my day going?!

I was able to pack up a few things before heading off to pick up sister #1 and begin the running around. (p.s. don't feel bad family - it had to be done and I'm not complaining, just explaining)

At the doctor's, a different doctor checked me out, got another doctor to come in and check me out, came back with the nurse practictioner who originally checked me out and pricked me with some thingy majiggy and took a swab of that. I still don't have any blisters or open sores. (yay for me!)

Then she called someone else and they discussed getting me a blood requisition to get tested to make sure I am immune to chicken pox. I guess I don't sound all that convincing when I say I had them as a kid.

So that's where it sits. I have to go today to get blood sucked out of me (sorry, thought I'd be a little over dramatic there) and wait for any results to come back. Which they are rushing because apparently this could cost the NICU thousands of dollars because they would have to put the babies on antibiotics or the same thing that Lochlan's getting. MAN! I can't believe it. Honestly, I didn't think anything of it when I went to breastfeed Lochlan on Monday and Tuesday. It didn't turn into anything that I was concerned about until Wed when I called to make my doctor's appointment. Other than a few red blotches and some itchiness...I thought my bra was rubbing it or something. So I really pray this really isn't shingles and that I don't have to put all those babies and families through it too.

I will have to stay away from the hospital for at least one week. Lochlan will be in isolation for 28 days, with everyone in his room wearing gowns, gloves, and face masks. If he is ready to be discharged, they will release him during those 28 days but while he is a resident of the NICU hotel, he needs to be in isolation for the full 28 days.

On a positive note, Lochlan is doing fabulous. He took I think one spell yesterday (where he forgot to breathe momentarily) and his weight is now up to 1940 grams. I think anyway...I know he gained weight on his lasix day...okay, I really can't remember I was so tired when I called last night. I do know he's over the 1900 mark which means he should be able to go in an open crib. Unfortuately, I won't be physically there for the milestone.

On another positive note, we get the keys to our new house today! Woo-hoo! I'm so excited. It's a strange feeling sitting here typing this, looking around and thinking about all the memories in this house and that in just a few short hours we will no longer be living here. A little sad but super exciting to think we'll create new memories in our new house.

Anyway, I'd better get to cleaning. We should have internet hooked up at our new place today but you never know. So I'll try to blog as soon as I can about the test results.

Pray for a positive outcome! And thank you to those of you who have made comments. I read them all and really appreciate the support. (and appreciate those of you who read my blog as well.)


Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Seriously? Seriously!

Wow! What a couple of days it has been!

Lochlan had some good solid nursing sessions. Tuesday I went in twice to feed him and I enjoyed feeling like I was finally able to do something for him. He was being a champion as per usual. So proud of him.

He did have a bit of a greenish looking loose stool a few times, but that has since gone away. If you're reading this over breakfast, I apologize. I like to be very thorough in my descriptions! lol

They cancelled his MRI due to the fact that too much time had passed since he had his seizures and because he's been doing so well. He hasn't had any more so they are convinced it was a side effect from the drugs he got during surgery.

He hasn't had his eyes rechecked yet but should be today or tomorrow I would think.

Monday night when I called, the nurse asked if she could bottle him (give him a bottle of my breastmilk) because he was a madman. I said sure as long as it wouldn't interfere with breastfeeding. They do both with a lot of babies so I gave the go ahead. Also, his nurse said that tomorrow night (this meant Tuesday night) that she would put him in an open crib. And to bring in some clothes! How exciting!

My excitement was short lived however. The next night, he had a different nurse who didn't think he was quite ready to be in an open crib. His weight has been fluctuating since his surgery and actually he lost probably over 100 grams. So they want to see him holding steady in his weight and be closer to, if not over 1900 grams. He was only 1805 Tuesday.


Okay, here is where some good times come in for Jenner. Not so much, really. I started noticing a bit of rash on the side of my right breast on Monday. And it was a little itchy. I didn't think much of it. Changed bras and went on my merry way.

But it started to bug me a little more and got bigger so I made a doctor's appointment and went Wednesday. I had been planning to go in to nurse Lochlan for the 2:30 feed. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to.

Apparently, I have shingles. This is from the same virus that causes chicken pox. Basically if you've ever had chicken pox, the virus sits dormant in your system and can flare up at any time, especially when you're under a lot of emotional stress, or if your immune system is weakened.

Lucky me.

My prescription was very cheap - ha ha - over one hundred dollars.

Lucky me.

And Lochlan had to be moved to an isolation room and be started on the vaccine for chicken pox but it's not the regular vaccine babies get when they are one. It's just the antibodies.

I am not allowed to visit him until after the rash is cleared up which could be one week to a month.

Lucky me.

And I have to pump and dump because they are extra cautious and are concerned about transporting the milk. It wouldn't be in the breastmilk itself, but rather on the containers perhaps.

Again, lucky me.

As I was sitting in the patient room at the doctor's office, I thought: "Seriously? Seriously! Are you kidding me?"

It's like "oh, you've handled that really well, try this!"
I told Rob that if we don't win the lottery now, we never will!

So had an interesting afternoon to say the least. I am very upset that I can't see my baby. I allowed myself 5 minutes to wallow in self pity and then have since tried to shrug it off. That's the reality and I can't do anything about it.

I spoke with the infectious disease specialist who called last night. She chatted for almost 20 mins! Asking questions and commenting. She thinks it would be valid to get a second opinion because she says it doesn't sound like shingles. I feel fine, am in no pain (which apparently, it's very painful) I have no other symptoms other than this itchy rash. And they aren't blistering or oozing or whatever it is that happens. (again, sorry about the details)

So I am waiting for her to call me this morning (Thurs) because she was trying to track down the sample swab they took. She was going to rush the results and if it wasn't the right test, then I will go in this morning to be retested and get looked at.

Meanwhile, this morning I feel like it's not as red and be honest I've been putting some zinc oxide on it (same stuff I used for Abby's diaper rash) and it seems to be working! Who needs $110 dollar prescription!!! Argh!

So we'll see. We're also waiting to see if Rob is allowed to go in to see Lochlan.
What a crazy time! I think it's almost laughable at this stage. I mean, really!

In terms of if I actually do have shingles, I can't give it to anyone unless they are in direct contact with the site and hmmm...yeah that's not going to happen!

Well, Abby is wondering where "mommy go" so I'd better get back upstairs. We are finishing up moving today and cleaning so she will be going to granny and grandpa's today (THANK YOU!!) so I need to spend some time with her before we take her.And thanks for waking up at 5:50am today Abby. Love it!

Tomorrow, we officially get our keys to our new house. (We have been allowed to put stuff in the garage these last few weeks) So excited. Finally, a little less stress.

P.S. When I called last night, Lochlan's weight was up but I can't remember to what. 1865 perhaps. That sounds about right. So back to 4 lbs, 2 oz. And he bottle fed and took 50mls! (His target is 36) Go Lochlan!

He will be fine, I know that. But if I truly do have shingles, I'm not sure how these next few weeks will go. It's so hard knowing that we're so close and coming to the end of the NICU journey. It sucks royally and I pray I heal fast and can get back to nursing and hanging out with our baby boy.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Results and snuggle with Daddy and a visit with Abby

Okay...I've been catching up on sleep and life.

Lochlan has been doing fabulous since his surgery. The results came back that his head ultrasound was normal...and so I asked the resident if that meant that the brain bleed was gone and he said they didn't comment on any bleeds so he is led to believe that it means it was reaborbed. I pray this was the case...but like him, I am sure that they would have made some comment if there was still something there.

EEG (not ECG!) results showed nothing abnormal. This measures activity in the brain I believe and the resident did say that Lochlan was still under some of the meds they gave him to calm his brain from the seizures so the test could have been inaccurate. The specialist was away that week so she will take a look at it when she returns to double check and it may be repeated if she feels it is necessary.

Blood work - fine.

The very positive thing here is that Lochlan has not had any more of these seizures so more than likely it was a side effect from the drugs they gave him during the operation. They said that it can happen - rarely does of course, but Loch wouldn't be the first baby or person to have it happen to.

To cover all the bases though and to make sure that everything is ruled out they will be doing an MRI this week. This will tell them whether or not he suffered any brain damage when they had to do the chest compressions and manual breaths. Even though his heartrate only dropped to 60, they want to check and check again.

Please pray that it comes back normal as well.

With all this hoopla happening this week, I don't think I mentioned that Rob got to hold him for the first time on Wednesday.

And today, Abby went in to see him. She was so adorable. So excited. While we were there she kept saying, "hi Lochlan. Hi!" And blowing him kisses. She told him about her day and she started singing "Twinkle twinkle, little star". Adorable. And then we sang "You are my sunshine" together to him. He opened his eyes to peek a few times. He knew she was there!

She was really good visiting him today, and listened well when we had to leave. She said I love you, and see you later. In the car, she goes "I like him!" How cute is that!!!!

Can't wait for him to come home.

I've also started nursing him again. Yesterday (Saturday) was the first time and he did awesome! Nursed for a good 25 minutes. And we had a great snuggle. I'm off to nurse him again tonight for the 8:30 feed.

Well I need to get Abby in for her bath and to bed. Til next time,

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Post surgery

It is now after 9pm on Thursday...almost a full day since Lochlan went for his eye surgery. I realize that I said I'd blog this morning, but the day just got away from me.

Here is how the rest of last night/super early this morning went:

It was just after midnight when I called up to the NICU to see if Lochlan was back there or if they'd heard anything. I was beginning to think that they'd forgotten about me waiting in the dark in the OR waiting room!

They told me that they had called a half an hour ago but still hadn't shown up. So I asked them to remind the team that I was still down there if they showed up without me in tow!

I was starting to get concerned. I was told the surgery would be about an hour and here it was going on two plus.

Finally, probably about a half an hour later, Doctor Gayle (I remembered his name!) came in to chat with me. He said the surgery itself went well but that they were waiting for the RT (respiratory therapist) to come down for some special tape for his tube. He said they had to keep him intubated and I'm sure he told me some other stuff but I was beyond tired and I have since talked to a few more doctors and nurses since then and can't remember who told me what. He did inform me that he will be following up in a week to recheck Lochlan's eyes. He then said that they were going to be heading up to the NICU and that someone would meet me in the sunroom. (it's basically a waiting room on the floor where the NICU and maternity wing is.)

I got up there and waited...and waited some more...and closed my eyes to catch some zzz's and then "bang bang, clang clang." Something was happening on the floor above me. I have no idea what, but I remember thinking, "seriously? construction type work at this hour?" and then I sort of laughed a little. I mean, really!

So I waited some more....and then the anesthesiologist came and told me that Lochlan was doing well but that at the end of the surgery, the tube slipped and there was saliva and what not and they ended up having to bag him (put a face mask on and give manual breaths by squeezing on this airbag thing that gives him oxygen) And also that his throat constricted and they had some difficulty bagging him and that is why they couldn't extubate him right away as hoped.

I had to wait again...and then finally the phone rang for me to go see him.
It's so emotional seeing him with the tube back in after making such great progress. I know it's for the best at this time, but it takes you back.

He was sleeping and sedated as well. But he looked like he was starting to wake up and was not liking the tube down his throat. No doubt! He also started doing this shake thing. I've seen him do some quick jerks every now and then -- something to do with nerves but never like this. It almost looked like he was cold. And that's exactly what the resident said. But I didn't think much of it. I held his hand, talked to him, gave him his soother and we swaddled him. That appeared to have helped.

The resident did discuss the procedure a bit more with me before I left for home. He said that he wasn't in the operating room but was informed of what happened. The only thing else that he told me was that at the end of the surgery, Lochlan's tube slipped, (same info as before) but that his heart rate dropped to the 60s (he's usually between 138-150) and so they bagged him, and gave him chest compressions, then bagged him again. He said that his heart never stopped but they did it as a precaution (the compressions) because they didn't want to risk oxygen being cut off to his brain. He also said that he would want to know if he was the parent. I don't remember Dr. Gayle or the anesthesiologist telling me this although I do think she (not the doctor) did quickly make reference without going into detail...I think she must have said, we had to bag him, compress, then bag him again. But I wasn't focussing or asking too many questions being almost asleep at 1 in the morning!!

I left the hospital about 2:15am.

My head hit the pillow at 2:38 with the intention to get up to pump a few hours later. Unfortunately, I slept through the alarm...I wonder why! Abby woke me up just before 7 and I got up with her since I needed to pump. Once I was up, I was super tired, but wanted to cuddle with her and just be with her. (I am so thankful to have her because she helps me forget what's going on sometimes and brings such laughter and joy to my life. The other day she put her head on my shoulder and said "best friends." How cute is that?!)

I called the hospital about 8am and asked to speak to Lois (yay for having one of my fav nurses!) But instead of Lois coming on the line, I apoke with one of his doctors, Dr. Graham. She said that Lochlan was doing well and that he was still intubated but they were hoping to extubate soon. She also said that he was still having some shakes or tremors and that they were trying to figure out why. It appeared to be a seizure and could be from the drugs he got during surgery. So as a precaution, they gave him Fennebal (spelling?) and that seemed to calm him and stop the shaking. They were running some tests and were waiting on the results. They also decided to hold off on feeding him until they were convinced he was doing better. He wasn't going hungry though as he was getting his fluids from an IV.

Anyway, I finally thought I'd better get a nap in and Rob hung out with Abby while I slept for a few hours.

I got up, played with Abby some more, gave her her lunch, and put her down for a nap, Then I went to pick up Barry, my brother-in-law to take him to see Terri & Mason. I snuck a quick peek at Mason (and Terri) before heading to the NICU.

Lochlan still had the tube in and was sleeping. Lois told me he was doing great and that his settings were very low on the vent. They still didn't have the results from his tests - he had a brain scan and an ECG.?? Too many acronyms to remember...whatever checks your heart. And some blood work as well. His blood gases have been good.

Anyway, I stayed for about 3 hours today and wanted to head home to spend time with Abby even though I left when she was napping. (She basically slept the entire time I was gone so that worked out well) It's hard sometimes, wanting to be in two places at once.

Lois called just after 6 and left a message (Abby and I were at the playground and Rob had gone to the store) She said that Lochlan was doing great and that they extubated him (removed the breathing tube from his throat) and he was back on low flow! : )

I had asked what they would do earlier in the day and they told me that it would depend on him and his needs. Thankfully, he was able to go back to low flow rather than start at CPAP, or BiPAP, or high flow! Great job Lochlan!

They were also planning on starting his feeds tonight. I'm about to call and get the update.

His weight last night prior to surgery was 1810gms (down 25 on a lasix day) and I just got off the phone and his weight is up 60grams to 1870grams which is 4 pounds, 2 ounces. She did say to take that as it is because he has been on extra fluids the last 24 hours. He is on .03 litre of oxygen. That part I can't wrap my head around to explain or comprehend. It's different that saying "oh he's on 30% oxygen." I can't remember if before surgery he was at .1 or .01...but I thought it was .1 so to me that says that he's doing the same if not better on the low flow now! And there isn't much lower to go. I don't think they do .009 or lower...but I could be wrong. I'll ask tomorrow.

He has had a few apnea spells tonight (where he stops breathing for a moment - forgets to breathe) She also said that he looks like he's been in a bar fight - his eyes are swollen from the surgery. He has some medicinal ointment that he will get for 5 days. But overall, he's doing great and is having a good night. She did say too after I asked about feeding that she hasn't mentioned the feeds to the doctors and they haven't mentioned anything to her but they are quite busy tonight. So hopefully by tomorrow morning he'll be getting some breastmilk back in his system.

Okay, I've blogged long enough. Need to go to sleep.
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts. Lochlan, Rob, Abby and I all appreciate it.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


I am sitting here typing this waiting while Lochlan has eye surgery. I am feeling positive, yet emotional. But I will not allow myself to go there. He is a fighter, is in wonderful hands and he will be fine. And he needs this surgery or he will go blind. (the laser surgery will stop the retina from detaching)

Now let me back up a bit.

Today was spent packing up the house and getting that all organized. Abby spent the day with Nana (thank you Nana!) and had a wonderful day as usual. I spoke with Lochlan's nurse around 10:30am and she suggested I wait to feed him until the 5pm feed so I wasn't rushing trying to get everything done, etc. I agreed. (I have been going in for the 2pm feed)

So Rob and I did our thing and I called on our way to the hospital just prior to 5 o'clock to let them know that we would be there soon. Anne Marie, his nurse said that Dr. brain just went blank....(need sleep) anyway, the doctor was on his way within the hour to check his eyes (Dr. Arthur's colleague) and that if he felt it was necessary, Lochlan would be having the surgery tonight. Therefore, I would not be nursing him when I got there because he needed to have an empty stomach.

My heart sank. Not only did I want to be able to snuggle with my son, and get to nurse him since yesterday's feed he wasn't interested in, but I was not prepared for him to get the surgery done today. "This week" to me, felt like in a day or two when we were told it was going to probably happen.

We ended up waiting for about 45 mins at least for the Dr. to come in and check him. We left the room while his did so and went to visit my sister, Terri who had my nephew, Mason Michael Frederick this morning at 5:29 weighing 8lbs, 15oz! (congrats Terri & Barry, and welcome Mason!) We had about 10 mins or so for a quick visit as we had to head back to see what was going on with Lochlan.

That's when the doctor said that he definitely needed the surgery right away. He is going away for the weekend and it can't wait until Monday. Rob and I had to sign a consent form and then off we went since there are no parents or anyone allowed in the NICU between 6:30-7:30 for shift changes.

They just had to line up an ...oh here we don't spell that one everyday. I don't think I got it quite right but hopefully you can try to sound it out to make sense of it. He also would need to be intubated but they were hoping to intubate him, do the procedure, and then extubate him. So my concerns last night were put to a bit of a rest. A bit...So I went off to pick up Abby. (and finally get some food in my belly!)

Once Abby and I were back home and she was settled in bed, I called the hospital and was told that they were aiming for a 9:30pm surgery. I wasn't going to make it before he was taken to the OR. The person putting him under (notice I didn't try to spell it again) by the way had to be called in from home -- thank you "person."

I decided that I would come in right away anyway and visit with Terri, Mason, and Barry. As soon as I got here, I was whisked away by an NICU nurse and told they wanted to see me in the OR right away. Should I panic? Thankfully, the nurse said, I don't think there's any concern, they just want you to sign a consent form or something like that. But all I could think about was, I already signed the consent form.

Needless to say, it was a long walk and elevator ride down to the OR. *sigh of relief* Lochlan was fine and they really did need me to sign a consent form - well at least they thought I did. On the back of the one I signed, it was about blood consent...but I had already signed one previously when he received his first blood transfusion. I was thankful though to get to see him and hold his hand and tell him that mommy loved him and that he was going to do great and be in good hands and that they were going to do a quick thing to fix his eyes and he'd be back to snuggle with mommy in no time. Something like that anyway.

He was pretty mellow as the nurse had given him some sucrolose which has the opposite effect in my opinion...wouldn't you think that giving sugar in any form would make you hyper? Not so much in this case. So he was very sleepy. He's been sleeping a lot lately since yesterday and I'm not going to think about that. Perhaps he's doing a lot of healing and growing and using up his energy for that.

So anyway, here I sit. Anxiously awaiting the doctor to come out and tell me how everything went. It's now would have been about 10:00 or so when he went in for his surgery (they were a bit delayed) so I'm expecting to hear anytime. I am sitting in the dark right now, alone in the OR waiting room. Some might find that odd, but I find it oddly comforting.

Praying for Lochlan,

p.s. please come back to this particular post for details of how the surgery went...I will update it either later tonight or early in the morning.

***I've decided to start a new post rather than continue on this one with the details**

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

A minor setback

Yesterday (Monday) Lochlan was amazing! He nursed for at least 15 minutes straight and I couldn't have been more thrilled. The nurse, put him in front of me when she took him out of his incubator and I was able to pick him up and place him in the proper position. Then I was able to move him to snuggle after. It felt so right. It made it seem completely normal, minus the feeding tube still in his nose and heart shaped tape on his cheeks and the whole being in the NICU thing. I actually sat back at one point and said, while snuggling Lochlan, "this is the life." Of course I meant minus all the above things. But just being able to snuggle my son and do normal mommy things was an incredible feeling.

His weight last night dropped 10grams but it was a lasix day so that's not bad.

This afternoon I went in to nurse him and he wasn't at all interested. I've heard that could be the case and to not get too concerned or disappointed by it. He just wanted to sleep. That's okay. Probably still tuckered out from yesterday's progress.

Tonight however, after celebrating my mother in-law's birthday (Happy Birthday Rosemary) I got the phone call from Dr. Arthur. (He's the one that has been monitoring Lochlan's eyes.) Not so good news. Lochlan's eyes have regressed even more since the last checkup. If they don't intervene, then he could have major vision problems which could evenutally lead to blindness.

Dr. Arthur is going to meet with his colleague tomorrow to further discuss his case and we'll have to consent to doing the laser surgery and it will have to be done this week. I know that it is the best thing for him but it's still not something that I want him to go through.

It deeply saddens and frustrates me because he will have to be reintubated to have the surgery. He's been doing so well I am scared that the tube will impede his progess and he may end up needing to be intubated for a long period of time. This also means, an IV or two, and no nursing and some recovery time of course.

I have no idea how long it will take to recover. I do know the surgery is not very invasive and that they just go in and zap the capillaries that have grown too fast or something like that.

We will have more information tomorrow when we meet with the doctors. Hopefully, they will say that Lochlan will not need to be intubated for very long. But I have a feeling, it will be Lochlan's choice how long he wants that tube in his throat. And knowing my son and trusting my intincts, that won't be very long at all. Such a warrior our little boy.

On a side note, my sister, Terri is in the hospital right now as I type this having her baby. I can't wait to meet my new niece or nephew.
I'll keep you posted and also let you know what Lochlan's weight was tonight probably in the morning. (I'm too lazy to go upstairs to call and then come back downstairs to type it)

Please pray for Lochlan as he prepares for his eye surgery and that he makes a super speedy recovery and will be back to nursing and on low flow in no time at all. (or off oxyten assistance altogether!)

Thank you!

Monday, July 19, 2010

Growing, growing, growing...

I'm just about to leave to snuggle my little boy. Last night his weight was up a bit to 3 pounds, 15 ounces!!! He's almost 4 pounds - how amazing is that! And he's gained over 2 lbs since he was born. (at 1 pound, 12 ounces)

We had another successful nursing session yesterday and we'll try again today. He's such a champ! Have I mentioned how proud I am of him? Oh, I guess I have!! : ) You'll hear it many more times to come.

I'll try to take a few pics today. Can't wait to see him again.

I keep telling Abby how she's getting to be a big girl now. And she always replies, "I know mom, I'm growing!" I love my kids. Life is good.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Nursing attempt #2!

Finally! I got to hang out with my beautiful boy. I still have a teeny bit of a cough every now and then but I have never developed a full out cold...and my instincts were telling me it was okay to go in. Just to be safe, I dawned a face mask while I held Lochlan. It was like this cohort mission. We didn't want anyone to see that I had a mask on since they'd be like -- then why are you here? But really, I was completely fine. Better to be overly cautious.

Anyway, on to the fantastic news: Lochlan nursed again!!! This time I'm pretty sure he actually got a little! What a champ! After a little while, he started to get tired of the whole trying to eat thing, and so Lois (once again once of the super lady nurses) gave me a nipple shield to try. It somehow is less tiring...I don't know. I'd heard of them but had never seen them or much thought I'd ever need one. He used it for a bit and then just fell asleep anyway since Lois was still feeding him through the NG tube. (tube that run from his nose down into his stomach) The strangest thing was that after, Lois mentioned that she should have asked me before grabbing it, because it's $5 for the shield but that she can get it from me later. Really? Five dollars? After all of the equipment and supplies that get used and tossed I have to give them 5 bucks for a nipple shield? I find it kinda funny and odd. I have no problem giving them the 5 bucks but it seems rather pointless in the grand scheme of things. I apologize to my American friends if they are reading this as I know that you have to pay for probably everything. I can't even imagine the stress and worry of it all. I will happily be making a donation to the hosptial's NICU unit when all is said and done most defintely.

Anyway, Lochlan and I had a great snuggle and Lois said that we can probably aim to try it nursing once a day.

We had quite the storm here tonight that knocked out power for over 3 hours. I was starting to get worried about all the milk I have stored in the freezer. I have no idea how long things can last before starting to defrost but I was not willing to find out! I kept thinking about all that hard work and nutrition...oh man, that would not have been good. I have about 12 grocery store bags full of bottles stocked up. I was starting to make plans to move it to my mother in-laws since they had their power but thankfully, ours came back on. Phew! And thank God!

When I called before heading to bed, Lochlan was having a great night and only lost I think 15grams on a lasix day. So if memory serves me well, he is 1750grams. (still 3 pounds, 14 ounces)

I was once told that to be able to move to an open crib, babies have to be over 1800grams. How exciting! That could be next!

Friday, July 16, 2010

Can't stop smiling!

Lochlan never ceases to amaze me. When I called this afternoon to check in, Lois (his nurse today) said that at rounds today, they decided to try Lochlan on low flow! LOW FLOW!!!! He's doing awesome. Lois said it's like he's a brand new baby. He's like - "look at me. I'm on low flow...oh yeah...."

So proud.

I didn't go in for our daily visit. : ( This tickle I've had has turned into a bit of a cough every now and then and I am sooooo not risking setting Lochlan back. Sucks though cause I want so badly to be there to congratulate him and snuggle him and give him lots of mommy kisses. I asked Lois to tell him how proud I am and that I love him and will see him soon. Lois is so great. Did I mention that a few weeks back she found a four leaf clover and brought it in for Lochlan? She's super sweet and caring.

I had this huge grin plastered to my face as I went to pick up my best friend to show her our new house. I was driving and couldn't wipe the smile off my face just thinking about how in awe I am of my miracle boy.

I am truly blessed to have an incredible little girl and an incredible little boy in my life. (and an incredible husband, family, and friends too)

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for your continued prayers. Blessings to you all.

***Update at 11pm***
He now weighs 1760grams (up 85grams - now 3 pounds, 14 ounces)and is sat'ing 100% on his low flow! "Go Lochlan, go Lochlan, go, go , go Lochlan!!!" : )

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Happy happy, joy joy!

Lochlan had a stellar day! His oxygen has been low and he's been sat'ing really well so they lowered his pressure settings to 5.5....but even then he was doing extremely well so they lowered it even further to 5. While I was visiting today, he was still sat'ing in the high 90s (96-99%) and was down to 28% oxygen. One proud mama here!

His feeds have been increased to 32mls every 3 hours and the number of human milk fortifier has been increased as well. They really want to get him to gain weight more rapidly. He's up to 1680grams (3lbs, 11oz) but the average 35 weeker is 2400grams. (5lbs, 3oz) So a ways to go but I'm deciding he's been working super hard at healing, that the growing part, I can cut him some slack!

I had the "wonderful pleasure" of changing his poopy diaper. Actually I didn't mind at all. Anytime that I can feel like things are starting to get normal, the better.

I still have not been able to try to nurse him again. No one has been brave enough if you will...or even really brought it up. Today his nurse mentioned how great he is with his soother and that once he's on to low flow he'll be able to try breastfeeding. I guess babies don't generally go on the breast while being on high flow. But Lochlan likes to exceed everyone's expectations! He does things his own way!

I pray that he keeps improving on a daily basis and that he can go to low flow sooner rather than later and get breastfeeding - heck I'd even take bottle feeding just so he can be ready to come home.

We get official possession of our house in two weeks. I can't wait. I picked up a few things for Abby and Lochlan's rooms and picked out the paint colours. Abby's room will be purple (one drama wall and the rest a lighter shade ---plus she picked purple over pink when asked!) And Lochlan's room will be chocolate brown and blue. I think they will have better rooms than Rob and I!

Here are a few pics as promised of Abigail on her birthday!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Happy Birthday big sister!

I'm so pooped! Abby had such a great 2nd birthday today! But mommy is so very tired. But I wanted to blog to let you know that Lochlan is doing great. His weight last night jumped to 1670grams and tonight on a lasix day, he lost 20 so now he weighs 1650grams. (3 pounds, 10oz) By the way, he's more than double his birth weight now!

I didn't get in to see him yesterday with the slight tickle in my throat. No point in risking passing something on to him since he's doing so well. It was not easy staying away!!! Rob went in to have a visit with him for the both of us though.

After all the hoopla today celebrating Abigail's birthday, I finally made it in to visit Lochlan around 8:15pm. He looked all nice and cozy and settled in for the night. He'd had his bath and was swaddled and busy sucking on his dark purple soother. What a handsome little man. I still can't get over how much he looks like Abby. I suppose that shouldn't be too much of a shocker considering they are brother and sister!

They did a chest xray today and his lungs look much better than the last time it was done so they are very pleased with that. His O2 had been climbing this morning, but then he had a big poop and pee and all was well again in the world. Ain't that the way it always is?!

Anyway, must sleep. I'll try to post some pics of Abby's bday and some new ones of Lochlan soon.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Weekend update!

We had such a great weekend! Elton John, then Alex & Scott's wedding. And I need not have worried about the kids! They both had fantastic weekends!

Lochlan was sat'ing 28% and just before we got him out to snuggle, he was setting off the alarms....and this time, it was because he was sat'ing 100! So he went down to 26% oxygen! (room temp is 21%)

Last night his weight was 1590grams. Still 3 1/2 pounds. He keeps fluctuating back and forth from 1590-1595 the past few days.

Today he gets him immunizations. I wish I could be there to hold his hand. I have a bit of a tickle in my throat which is just lovely. I cannot risk passing anything on to him, especially since he's been doing so well. They've up'd his feeds to 30ml every 3 hours now and they are going to keep his pressure setting to 6 litres since he's getting his shots and his feeds have changed. Don't want to have to have him adjust too quickly to everything.

I think some new pics are in order soon. I would take some video, but my memory card for my camera is too small and I can't find my video camera's battery charger! I'm on the lookout though!

Tomorrow is Abby's 2nd bithday. Can't believe my little girl is 2 years old! I wish Lochlan was home to help celebrate but I know there will be many many birthdays to share in the future!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

A weekend mind break!

The last few days Lochlan has had a male nurse so I wasn't quite comfortable mentioning that we had tried nursing a little. No offence to him but I'm sure if I was consistenly nursing, it wouldn't be an option and I'd deal and wouldn't care as much...but right now, I sort of do have the option.

Lochlan is now officially 3 1/2 pounds! (He lost 5 grams last night but is at 1590 grams) His high flow settings were reduced on Wednesday to 5 (the amount of pressure I believe that forces the air into his lungs) but was back up to 6 yesterday. His O2 was on the climb so they thought they'd give him a break and go back to a little higher of a setting. He'll get there. And like I keep saying, "slow and steady wins the race!"

Last night, Rob and I went in together. It's been a long time since we were able to go in together. We're usually tag teaming it. We dropped Abby off for a sleepover at Nana & Poppa's because we went to Elton John last night! It was a wonderful evening. Snuggle with my son, rockin' it out with Elton. We had a really great time.

I'm super excited for today - one of my best friends from high school is getting married!!!!! We are off to Ancaster today and it will be so nice to get out of the city, away from everything for a bit of a mental break. Abby is spending the day with her Aunt Chrissy, Uncle Brad, and her cousins, Blake and Owen. I know that she is going to love hanging out with them and will be super excited for her sleepover. (as will the boys!) And my mom actually woke me up at 8:20 this morning when she called! I can't remember the last time I slept in! (minus the times to get up to pump) I feel very refreshed as a result.

I'd better get ready to go. It's a bit of a drive so I'd like to get there and take a nap before all of the festivites begin. I don't want to be fighting to stay awake and be ready for bed after dinner!!!! I'd be so disappointed!

Oh and on a side note, my sister Terri is doing well. She goes in next Monday and will be induced on the Tuesday and is expected to have the baby on the 20th. Can't wait to meet the newest member of our family.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

9 weeks old and a surprise!

Wow! 10 weeks old? Seriously? And 35 weeks corrected age. (gestational age) ***correction at 12:40am*** 9 weeks old and 34 weeks corrected age. Whoops! Got ahead of myself! (and confused...hee hee)

You know when you watch a really good movie and your cheeks hurt from smiling so much? That's how I felt today while I was holding him. He is incredible. I know I said this yesterday, but I am sooooo proud of him.

He has such a good suck on his soother that Julie, his nurse, said this afternoon "I bet he'd nurse a little. I can't believe no one's tried it before..." And then Kathleen, another nurse in the room, said "Definitely, he would." So they were like, "let's try it!" And I was completely surprised. Not at all what I was expecting to be able to do right now.

And guess what? My lil monkey took to it like a champ! Unbelievable! He didn't get much but it was the motion and getting him used to it...and man, I still can't believe that happened! To think that not even a week ago, he was still intubated and now he's started to nurse a teeny tiny bit. Crazy! And so welcomed!

They did say that he might not react the same way the next time. But I'm so very proud and will take it any way I can.

He has proven time and time again, that he is a true fighter and not to be underestimated!

Go Lochlan!

P.S. Abby had a fabulous birthday party! She was so excited and happy.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

"I'm so proud of him"

I haven't blogged since Sunday night because there hasn't been much to update. Lochlan is cruising along nicely. He's loving his high flow and it's like he's a different baby. That's what some of the nurses keep saying anyway. They're like - is that Lochlan? Wow! Look at him! They are so excited for us. And I keep telling them (and him) that I'm so proud of him. He's doing amazing.

He's up to 19mils of breastmilk every 2 hours and is getting a potassium supplement now as his levels were a bit low yesterday.

His weight last night was 1525 grams. (almost 3 1/2 pounds)

We got to have a snuggle yesterday which felt so right...and today another one! When I arrived both times, he was super he was waiting for me! Looking at me with his beautiful eyes, like "hi mommy!"

We did a cradle hold yesterday, and skin to skin (kangaroo) today. Either way it's bliss. What an amazing little boy I have.

And his amazing big sister is having her birthday party tomorrow! Very exciting! Her 2nd birthday isn't until next week (the 13th) but we're celebrating a week early so that her best girlfriend can make it. So I'm off to clean up and set up for the party and get loot bags ready! Oh to be a kid again!

Sunday, July 4, 2010

High flow!

Lochlan is loving not having the tube down his throat. So much so he went from being on CPAP to high flow!!!! WOOOOOO-HOOOOOO! I'm so very proud of him. He's doing so great. Prayers needed to keep him on the upswing.

Last night I went in to visit him about 8pm and got to help give him a bath. It's not much a bath really more like a quick wipe down...but he tolerated it well. AND I got to see him without anything covering his face as his nurse, Christine, cleaned it. Such a cutie.

His O2 was at 30% when I left for the night.

When I went in this morning, I had another great surprise. Alyssa, his nurse was like, oh he's doing so well, he's on high flow now...I was like, "fabulous" not really knowing what that meant and still expecting to see the nose mask. Yay - no nose mask needed. The CPAP was keeping his lungs inflated and providing oxygen whereas the high flow still helps keep them open, but at a much gentler rate. He has to breathe on his own for both. And now he doesn't have much covering his handsome little face. Just the prongs in his nose and taped to his cheeks.

He was a crying a little because he was hungry and knew it was lunch time!! He has the smallest little cry right now. It's still pretty hoarse from having been intubated for so long. But even his tiny cry is cute.

That big syringe is his milk. 18 mils (or cc's Danielle!)

Unfortunately we didn't get to have our snuggle today but I am totally okay with that. They want to make sure he's tolerating the changes with being on high flow. Tomorrow, fingers crossed we'll have our snuggle. I can't wait.

I'm hoping to take Abby in to see her brother today. She can only go on Sundays and she had been asking to see him earlier in the week. Another 7 days would be a long time to wait! I'm going to try to take some video and post it later on.

Thank you for your continued prayers. Lochlan is truly a miracle. Last night his nurse told me that most babies born after a pro-lasped cord don't make it. Lochlan proves time and time again that he is meant to be here. First with the ruptured membranes, and hanging out for 4 weeks after in my belly and then being born after a pro-lapsed cord...and having really immature lungs...he is amazing. And I know I've said it before, but such an inspiration.

He is definitely destined for greatness.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

3 snuggles in a row and self extubation

Whew! Lots to blog about. Canada day was awesome. Lochlan and I had our third snuggle in 3 days!! I can't get over how much he looks like Abby. I'm anxious to see if he has those adorable dimples as well. Either way, he's super cute.

We had a great Canada Day celebrating in Bath to start and then in the afternoon, we had a bbq on our new cul-de-sac. My sister in law lives on our soon to be street and invited us so we got to meet some of our new neighbours. Abby LOVED it. She's little Miss social - introducing herself..."I'm Abigail" and playing and chatting with the kids and adults. I know we are going to fit right in. I can't wait to move. 4 weeks to go!! woo-hoo!

On to news about Lochlan. I'm trying to remember what I last updated you on. He's still on the micro lipids and down to 2 packs of human milk fortifier but they've gone back to only giving him lasix every other day. He really hasn't gained much weight over the last few days. He's at 1435grams.

His O2 had been in the 40-50 range in the last few days which was better than it was.
I wasn't able to hold him yesterday (Friday) as a new 25 weeker was joining the NICU. I totally understood. Plus I'd had 3 days in a row already! But man, my heart goes out to the parents and my prayers are being sent for that lil miracle. It made me a little emotional when I heard about it. Not that I know any details but just knowing what the fears and anxiety and nervousness are all about brought me right back to almost 2 months ago. It's still quite raw if I let myself go back there. I find that since I'm now in a routine, things don't seem as scary. I get reminded every now and then, but it's definitely a lot easier. Not to say it's easy in any way, but it's a little less concerning.

Last night I got to go see my musical crushes - Jeff Callery & Runaway Train at Ribfest in Gananoque. What a blast! They only perform together once every 2 years now and it was such a treat to see them again. As per usual, they were amazing! When I got home which was around midnight, Rob told me that the hospital called and Lochlan had extubated himself. (this is the second time he's done that - first time he pulled it out, this time he turned his head which I've seen him try to do before)
So he is on BiPAP (**correction - CPAP) and when I called he was doing wonderful. His nurse sounded so pleased. His blood gases were the best they've been and his O2 was at 34%. The best that's been in a loooong time. So she was going to call if he tired out and they had to reinsert the tube.

After I got off the phone, I went to pump and one of the parts of the pump was broken. It was done. I couldn't use it. I unforunately dropped it when I was transferring it from my mom and dad's car to mine on the way back from Gan. Luckily, my sister is about to have a baby and has a pump and she doesn't live that far from us (about 10 mins or so) But I was sooooo tired but sooooo needed to pump. So off I went to retrieve the pump. Sorry Barry for waking you up! And thanks for letting me borrow it. (Lochlan thanks you both too!) Finally about 1:30 I was able to get to bed. Wendy - I don't know how you do it!

When I woke up this morning, let me rephrase that, when Abby woke up this morning which was a lovely 6:10 I was happy that the NICU hadn't called. A very good sign. The last time he was on BiPAP he tired out after 4 hours and was working really hard and his O2 was pretty high. In the 70s if I remember correctly.

I called just after 8 and he's doing fantastic. He had another blood gas which again was great and his O2 is at 32%!!!! GO LOCHLAN!!! So I pray that this is the time he keeps that tube out for good! Positive thoughs!!!

I'll keep you posted.