What a day! I am completely and utterly exhausted but oh so content to be sitting here - in Lochlan's room at the hospital, typing this. Let me back up.
I had a wonderful morning with Abby - playing at the playground, swimming, and more. We actually got a call from the hospital saying that they needed more milk for the 2pm feed. I had been planning on coming in anyway, so off I went after putting Abby down for her nap (and showering!)
When I got here, Lochlan was indeed in his new room. Still in peds, still a private room, but it feels more like a regular patient room. We have our own bathroom and shower and a great view still of Lake Ontario. We also have a phone to call and receive and a TV!!! (with free cable!)
Technically he's still in isolation, but Rob and I don't have to wear gowns or gloves or face masks. We've been exposed already and I've been treated so there's no need to be cautious about us. THANK GOODNESS! Now we can hold our baby without the getup! And feel semi normal about it.
The thing I noticed immediately was that Lochlan was all alone. He started getting a bit fussy as I knew it was near feeding time so I went to see if I could track down his nurse. Which she was on her way anyway. But even though I knew that Loch and I were being left alone more so than usual, I still felt like he was alone way too much. Rob and I talked about it, and one of us, or a family member will be present almost at all times.
I asked the nurse if there was something to tell them if he was having a problem and she said no. This did not sit well with me and that is the reason Rob and I will be here. Also because when he is crying or needing a snuggle, we can be here to soothe him or provide him what he needs. I guess the nurse does come in to check on him every 15 mins but that is too long for me!
I get that his monitors were removed for a good reason- and that he had to pass certain criteria in order for that to happen and that they would absolutely not stop monitoring if they didn't 100% believe he'd be okay. But still - what if his nose prongs came out? Couldn't handle that.
It's tough though. Wanting so bad to be home with Abby to keep everything as normal as possible for her. She's been so great throughout everything - me being in the hospital for over a week a few times, having a baby brother and not quite understanding the situation, moving, new bed...all these changes and she's been amazing. We have been struggling with bedtime lately but I get it. And it will probably happen for a while after Lochlan comes home.
But you know what - it's fine by me if we have all four of us sleeping in the same room for a bit. For a bit!!!!
So getting back to the afternoon - I nursed Lochlan and he was a pro again! I also got to change his diaper and while doing so, he was like "oh yeah mommy, watch this!" And he peed all over his sleeper and bedding. Whoopsie! Forgot to prepare for that. Then after I snapped up his last snap, the little monkey took a big poop! So we had to change him again. Thankfully I did a good job putting the diaper on in the first place, so his sleeper was still good. He gave me a wee little smile after that one!
Some much needed relief I bet!
Later, after he'd been sleeping for a bit, he started getting fussy. I was able to pick him up (we were alone together) and soothe him. Ended up needed another diaper change as he'd had a big pee! Yay me for being able to figure out what he needed.
It's so nice to be able to pick him up when I want and do normal mom/baby things. I can't go very far since he's hooked up to the oxygen but other than that, we're good to move around a bit.
Rob came by with Abby around 5pm. I was actually getting ready to nurse again. Abby was so excited to see her baby brother. She's so adorable with him and wants to touch him and put his soother in his mouth and just be helpful. I think it helped click for as well the reason why I pump. She didn't seem put out by it at all. I just hope that because I said Lochlan was having his supper that she doesn't one day ask me for that meal! ha ha
Oh, before I forget Lochlan's weight is up to 2025grams. Around 4 1/2 pounds if I'm not mistaken. I don't feel like looking it up right now.
I took Abby home and did the bedtime routine, until Rob came home and stepped in to try to actually get her to stay in bed. Good thing we are both pretty patient!
Thank you so much to Rosemary and Auntie Janet for helping to organize our house and also for supper tonight. It's greatly appreciated.
I got a ride with Rosemary back down to the hospital (THANK YOU again!) so I won't have my car here overnight. It can get pretty pricey even though overnight I'd be able to park on the street.
So here I sit, typing this, watching my son sleep. I feel content to be here, yet guilt over not being at home. I know Abby is sleeping, but still, not to be there if she wakes up in the middle of the night, or to be there first thing in the morning, is very difficult. But I feel the same about Lochlan. I just can't be in two places at once. I wish I could. I really wish I could have my family together under one roof. Soon enough.
I will note that Loch has another male nurse tonight. I'm wondering how many dudes are going to get to seem my bobbies before this is all over. Yesterday, I was like, oh whatever- I'm feeding my son. Today, it's a younger guy and that's a bit awkward. But I'm sure once it comes time for me to nurse Lochlan, I really won't care. And for the most part, we'll be left alone anyway. Oh the things we do!
We took some really cute pics tonight as a family, but of course, I can't seem to find the camera right now. I may have left it at home. So I'll try to post those tomorrow.
I think I'll try to get some rest before Lochlan wakes up to nurse at 11pm. He took a full bottle (his full 38ml) at the 8:15pm feed. They asked me what I'd like to do overnight. Well I'm certainly not going to give him a bottle and then go pump! I might as well nurse him as much as I can. That's the main thing he needs to do before he can go home. So why wouldn't I?!
Keep us in your prayers,
Jenn
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