Lochlan had another great day. When I arrived today he was getting a blood transfusion. He was taking it like a champ.
The nurse said that they adjusted some of his levels again. Less dopamine (sp?) and morphine.
And she said he's already got quite the personality...he'll be full of vis and vinner. I said, just like his big sister!
I wasn't able to stay as long as I had hoped today which made me sad, but I know that there will be many days I can spend all day and night if I'd like. I'm healing and getting my strength back so I can be there better for him emotionally as well as physically.
Just before I left, I told him that I loved him and would see him later and that I was going to take his sister to an appointment. His little eyes were moving around under his lids (they are still fused shut) You could really see him trying to open them! Very cute!
He looked good today. And I miss him terribly.
I want to pass along something I found on a fellow pPROM mom's blog. It's beautiful. And I can only hope to live up to its words.
Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen?
God is hovering over Earth, selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.
Beth Armstrong, son. Patron Saint, Peter.
Marjorie Forrest, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia.
Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles. “Give her a preemie “
The angel is curious. “Why this one, God? She’s so happy.”
”Exactly,” smiles God. “Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel.”
”But does she have the patience?” asks the angel.
”I don’t want her to have too much patience, or she’ll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she’ll handle it. I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I’m going to give her has a world of its own. She has to make it live in her world, and that’s not going to be easy.”
”But Lord, I don’t think she even believes in you.”
God smiles. “No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just the right amount of selfishness. “
The angel gasps, “Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?”
God nods. “If she can’t separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn’t know it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says ‘mama’ for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see as ignorance, cruelty and prejudice and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing My work as surely as she is here by My side.”
”And what about her Patron Saint?” asks the angel, his pen poised in the air.
God smiles. “A mirror will suffice.”